A WALKING WIDOW-

finding Meme

2010-02-14T20:05:00.001-07:00

I have been away so long I for got who I was and so have had to spend some time
finding a new pass word and guessing who i was that I will just say hello to night-
I have been on a huge journey but will sort that out another time- God bless you for
praying for me- please keep praying
the battle with cancer goes on........
hugs Meme

chemo is coming

2009-10-23T22:20:00.000-06:00

I have my first chemo treatment on Oct-28 Wednesday- at 9:30 a.m.
I will update more tomorrow-5 sleeps to go-- I hope I can rest the night before- I am happy to know I have a date now but also very anxious.hugs from Meme

yesterday's cancer news

2009-10-14T21:39:00.002-06:00

today was very long and tiring - and the news is rough.
I have cell cancer in the lining of my stomach and it is not the good cancer.
-they can treat me but there is no cure.
it is the same cancer that David had except that it is in my lining of stomach rather than pancreas and Davids had already became terminal.
I will begin treatments soon and I have to have a colonoscopy on Friday to determine if it has spread to the bowel.It did not show on the ct scan but he said the scan can not pick up this up there too well so the colonoscopy..yuck
I am very tired and exhausted and just shell shocked---I will be better tomorrow( and I did as it is now tomorrow ) it is fine to share and I will up date as I can- as long as folks realize this is really all i know and that next week I will get the port put in and I cannot individually reply right now--it is going to be a tough battle to get me into remission but I have hope as that is what the doctor gave me as well as the grim news.---radiation will not work for this type of cancer and I have not reached a terminal stage right now -------- remission is good thing -

hugs from Meme

in memory of papa---blessing

2009-10-10T20:52:00.001-06:00

today 2 of his friends came with trucks and cleaned up my back yard of things that were done and also cleaned out an entire shed so that I have a whole unit to store things so that I can continue to down size and if I am not sure I can still remove from the house-I was so blessed== also can put all the thrift store stuff until they come back and they will take it down for me-this is like having a whole new room added to my house-they took an old chair and dresser and hamper from the house for me too - which adds more space for me they did it in memory of papa and in honor of meI am so blessed--I was able to share some of papa hubbys things with them- R------has a whole load of wood for their wood burning stove as papa hubby had a lot of willow saved up for his canes he made--they tried to pay me and so I tried to pay them-- and we both agreed that this is what friendship is for--and so we both won each other over -

will write soon- huggles me- Meme

ct scan done :-)

2009-10-07T21:01:00.002-06:00

the scan and the day went smoothly- hoping the results will be in by Friday but not for sure.
I go to the city hospital but they still have to be read and sent to another cancer clinic for further reading--so I am being a patient waiting patient but the good news is that
I have my first appointment on October 13 at the cancer clinic so I will begin my journey then-
I had a good day and was able to get the kitchen back to my standards which is two clean sinks
so just being able to do that makes me feel better-
I just puttered and rested etc-
forgive me for times between updates but I have to try to rest and take things easy and even phone calls and emailing is tiring on some days- I am learning what balance is...........
I love you guys and know that you are holding up in prayer- that is the greatest blessing of all

huggles from Meme

Dogman is with papa

2009-10-01T00:35:00.002-06:00

Dogman has been sick off and on with his Cushings and the last two days were too much for himand his kidney's stopped filtering the water he was drinking which meant his blood was getting no water and
I
took him to the vet but there was nothing she could do but gently send him to papa hubby- He was so weak and just went to sleep with a calming drug - she knew he was dying so we sat in a special room togetherand he slipped away- she did have to use the death medicine-
He seemed content to be with me - He would have been 13 tomorrow- he is being cremated privately and will come to us in a pretty cedar box- with his name on and '' thanks for the memories. I am ok as ok is for me right now
and my little bird was bit by a bee and died 15 minutes afterwards so today is not a good day here=
The shepherd is carrying me tonight and praise God as my ct scan is on Oct-6
and I will answer some of the lovely private messages soon-
I had to take care of Dogman for the last two days as I wanted him to be comfort and so I got behind in emails-
hugs from Meme

the letter O

2009-09-28T17:28:00.002-06:00

I rather got behind on letters so will now just think about O
I will just do letters when I can....
of course, there are Oreo cookies which most folks love but I have
to admit I do not- and there are oats which take part in our daily lives in
cerels and breads- cheerios with honey :-)
but for me right now is the word OH
it often prefixs( is that the correct thought) my words
like oh no---which was one of my first thoughts about this cancer
and of course- my prayer- Oh God, help me- this was my cry
this week end and I know that He is with me and although I can
not see what He is doing right now, I can feel His presence-
so often, David of the psalms cried out to God and God heard and we
know when we cry that we are heard.
My other prayer is that God's will be done
even though there will be days and times that I/we
do not want His will...........
I am sure there are other O words but as I am winging it tonight
I will leave you with this thought-
Oh God, thank you for leading me this far.........

hugs from Meme

Meme has bad news

2009-09-25T17:31:00.000-06:00

I had to go to the doctor for him to check the biopsy site for infection or problems- that part is ok but the first of the results are in and I do have cancer- they do not know where it is originating from at this time and they do not know if it is good or bad- I have to go to the cancer clinic in the city and also have ct scans done asap- there is no doubt about the lump containing cancer but the problem is why?? once they know the origin it will be easier to make plans of what the chemo will be and if there will or will not be surgerythat is all I know today-- I am stunned and do not really know what to say except pray for me- I will weep today- then have a good week end and begin the battle on MondayI will tell you whatever I know when I know itI cannot say anymore right now as this note hurts me to have to tell you my sad news
I love you- friends from Meme

home from biopsy

2009-09-21T21:45:00.000-06:00

i am home- the test was quite pain free but oh my, now it is so painful re my left side - face- etc- took some pain meds and must do nothing for a few days- no reports for 10 days as they have to do extensive testing- and we will go from there-i am very tired so I will go to bed again- I will blind copy to groups== they did 7 different needle tests and I swear each needle got bigger but he did it with the ultra sound so he knew where to go----------thank you for praying
loving thougts from me and gentle right arm huggles

missiing letters

2009-09-08T21:14:00.003-06:00

I see that I have missed some of our letters for unglazed
and will have to back track and see what I can find to tickle
your funny bone,,,,,,,
daddy always used that expression when he was about to tell a story
the weather has been great
had to take Miss Ashley to the doctor
for another foot sprain=
it is the main muscle in her foot this time
so she is limping again=
she tends to fall off her foot on the left side
so needs to be more careful when running or
walking
then we went out for supper at a local cafe
which was rather fun - just her and me being together
with out the boy who is a friend............and also
no Dogman to give us the begging eye--
we came home and both had a nap--LOL
the doctor can not give me either encouragement or
discouragement re the lump===
he just does not know and wants to have it taking care of
quickly but he did say he will do everything in his power
to make sure this is taking care of now-----------
so the biopsy will really tell us a lot so we can
move forward-
have a great work and I will work on my unglazed alphabet
thinking on things like that put me to sleep which
is a good thing
hugs from Meme

this is Meme

2009-09-07T21:53:00.001-06:00

I am ok but tired and weary
and also have found a health issue
about 4 weeks ago I noticed a lump on my lower neck
and in a few days it got bigger so
off to the doctor
so far I have had x rays
and then blood tests
and then ultra sound
and now on the 21 of Sept. I will have a biopsy
I feel ok about this but being so tired
this has added to my load
I am keeping the faith and
just trying to take things one day at a time
the tummy is still an issue and that appointment
is not until October 8
I have been eating better as I want to be strong
for the biopsy ( it is a lymph node)
so I just have to try to overcome the stomach pain
but as we all know
when one has chronic pain
it does take a lot of energy to keep
going and going=
I will be back soon
I just to weary to think out tales
loads of love
and huggles
from Meme

sneaking in late

2009-08-30T21:48:00.002-06:00

I have just been, well not here, LOL
however tomorrow I have to come with an S word-
so I will make sure that I get a good sleep
and then sort out something sensible--(wink)
not sure how the week slipped by so fast
but I am ok---
I did go to a funeral for an good friend
to papa hubby and I on Friday-
he too died with cancer
I did see some old friends there
and also David's sister came and sat
with me so it was full of good memories too.
and then I saw one of our old pastor's
from a little pentecostal church where
we used to go before we were planted at the Nazarene church
both are lovely God filled churches and we only
moved with prayer as we needed a Sunday school for our grand-kids
as we took them every week- ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
but back to the pastor- he did not know that papa graduated
from his earthly life-
so we had a sad but nice visit and
I have to say that this is the first church function
that I have attended since papa hubby's death
where I did not look for papa-
it was a sad occasion and yet I felt free of a burden
that I have carried since July 21- 2008
pray for widow Betty as she begins her journey of grief-
off to see if I can sleep on a S word
and fix a tale for you tomorrow.

My plans..........

2009-08-26T23:02:00.003-06:00

Just stopping by to say hello- I was looking for this picture to share as it reminds me of

how we can make joy with and for each other- just by sending a smile-

so here is mine today-- I just noticed I have a file here(in the computer) for spring chores to be done in 2008--and none of them are done-!!!

it made me think of how life is full of our plans but in the spring of 2008 the Lord had me taking care of dear papa hubby = and so those spring chores were filed away. I did not do them this spring either re my health as I must do as I can do when I can now.

-. I wonder if I should rename the file for 2010- no, maybe not- God will show me his plans then and they will be good plans for me-.

Have a wonder filled week that is left and I will pop in soon.

huggles from Meme

Unglazed Letter T

2009-08-23T21:54:00.004-06:00

here we are with another week and a new letter for:

http://unglazed.blogspot.com/

T is one of those letters that begins a lot of words

maybe too many because I had a hard time picking one

I could rant about my tea that I can no longer drink

but I did that once already and it has been

two whole weeks tea-less- and I did try to drink

a cup of decaffeinated but it was no go......

so I will remain tea-less

so now I have to find another word that begins with T

my biggest trouble here is that I have no pictures to post

that begin with T but T does remind me of the word

TWO which reminds me of matched sets

like salt and pepper,

cream and sugar-

husband and wife

each one can stand alone but together they

make a perfect set-.

Now I will close with a hug
Meme

an alphabet blessing----- B*

2009-08-22T22:02:00.002-06:00

I love to read and may even be addicted to reading
and because of this joy I have books-
I do not keep too many fiction books other
than the Jan Kuron series-
I like the way she writes which makes
me feel that I am there..
not just peeking into window
but in the room.
I also have a lot of devotional books
which really help me on when
I am have an A** day......
and I have my Bible(s)
I do enjoy reading different versions
and some of them explain what some things were/are-
I need to go through the books again
and pass some on to the church-
we have small library there and I
can always go borrow the book back-
I think of how so many people have
not learned to read- even now with
it mandatory to go the school.
Television has taking over the books
and it cannot teach reading and then there
is the computer but to me,
there is something special about cuddling up
in a warm blamket and a book
Have a wonder filled week end
and Meme will come back soon
with another alphabet blessing.
I will not go in any particuliar order but
just as words come to mind to tell
the tale of the blessing.
Hugs from Meme

Unglazed letter for Monday is U

2009-08-16T22:03:00.005-06:00

it is not quite Monday here but by the time you read this

it will be because I am trusting that you are all in bed.

remember this link and join in the fun:

http://unglazed.blogspot.com/

**************************

the letter U tried to stump me but it rained here

a lot the last few days so I remembered my

UMBRELLA

we all have them and some folks even collect umbrellas-

and umbrellas are not a new invention-

I see a lot of those pretty Victorian ladies

often with an umbrella to shade their faces

from the sun

and in some places; one can use an umbrella

to keep the rain off their hair

but

in Alberta we have storm rains and we do

not even try to battle the storm using an umbrella

we have all tried at least once but with Alberta wind

the umbrella becomes a version of the old flying machines

and one could easily take off flying and sometimes
the umbrella turns in side out and then one has to try
to reason with the umbrella as it becomes a bucket
- as our rain

does not come straight down like in the movies ==

it comes sideways and back and forth and sometimes

even up- did you that know rain can bounce??

but I still love umbrellas as they come in such

nice shapes and colors- all little girls must have at least

one umbrella every summer and some of us big girls too.

most ladies who golf has a least one big umbrella that someone

holds over the other friends waiting for a the putter to putt.

and sometimes you see a gentleman struggling to

keep his lady dry while they are both blowing in the wind.

I use one in the summer to put over the bird cage

on sunny days so our bird can enjoy outside life in the shade.

umbrellas remind me of romance too and I have no

idea-- maybe because of the old song '' Dancing in the Rain'' which

we Albertans would like to try if our rain did not come

down in so fast and hard.
Have a wonder filled week.......and

May you be covered by an umbrella of joy today-

an alphabet night B*

2009-08-14T21:46:00.004-06:00

another a blessing in my life is bread

I did bake bread for us but now with me

it seems easier to buy bread

and I found this wonderful whole grain bread

at a new store in town- the loaf is huge so I

have to split it in 3 and the good news is that I

can get the teen - age girl to eat it also-

it does cost more but when you figure out the weight

and size it is comparable to the white fluff--

mama always baked bread and I have never got

used to the sliced white air bread =

I know a lot of folks like the idea that bread

comes sliced and ready to go........but I grew

up with home made bread that we sliced one

piece at a time-
daddy taught me how to hold the loaf and slice-

once winter comes and it will come to Alberta-

I will bake again and I found some neat small

bread pans down stairs--( my basement is like a

thrift store) that I can now use ......again.

I have the bread machine too but only use

it for mixing as I love oven baked bread.

my hands are too arthritic to mix by hand

so the machine is another blessing.

as I have been considering my things

as blessings, I have found that I enjoy

the never-ever ending care more.

and I am now sharing some of these blessings

with others as I no longer need them.

I do not have a picture of bread tonight
but I know that each of your homes
are blessed with daily bread=
have a wonder filled week end
hugs from Meme

Thursday Tales

2009-08-13T21:28:00.002-06:00

weather was --cool, clouds with sun hiding and threats of rain

widow friend came over for tea so I made dinner for us

just a macaroni hamburger pie and cantaloupe and

no tea for me but a nice pot for friend-

Dogman sinned - tried to, no did steal ( is there a less harsh word?-lol)

my cookies in my book bag-

I try to nibble whenever I can so I keep cookies(oatmeal )

in the bag in case I go for a walk and sit a spell

so now the great debate is that there is crumbs in my bed

as the bag sits on a small basket at the end of my bed-

I tend to keep more things in my bed than just me

but back to the crumbs- sigh

I shall have to remake the bed because like all good cookies

there were a few chocolate chips in them

and chocolate chips never just make crumbs

so now Dogman is off to his bed

looking sheepish which is not hard to do with his

hair which is according to the vet- is called fur -LOL

the worse part for him was that I was vacuuming when

I entered the room so he had to bale out and run

past that machine which he barely tolerates when

it is not moving---------

oh, well- dogs will be dogs and he knows that I know

that he knows better...........

and Meme will have a fresh bed tonight-

off to make my bed -- sending hugs--- Meme

3 days with out tea

2009-08-12T21:07:00.002-06:00

wow- having a bad tummy sure is tough on addictions
that is things like tea and coffee and chocolate and.......
I gave up chocolate quite a few months ago unless
Miss Ashley tempts me ---:-) and that is not often.
and coffee and I parted ways many years ago
and now I have decided to go tea free for 2 weeks
and see if this will helps and then maybe forever
depending on the outcome-
which leaves me drinking water and water and water
so I fill my little teapot (4cups) twice a day and add
ice-cubes now and then-
I do some milk in between.
It is not so bad giving something up but
the hard part was ''not'' making the tea
it was such a in grown habit
I did have an appointment with my specialist
for Aug. 30 to make some decisions in regards
to this problem and the office called yesterday
and changed it to October 8.
yes, I did cry as this just seems to be going
on far too long so I will keep this appointment
if it is not changed again and also ask for a new
specialist- this has been going on for 2 years now
and every appointment made has been redated-
pray for me to find medical treatment soon
we know what is wrong but now something
also needs to be done ........
I am really lost as how or what to eat
anymore
any one interested in Nutcracker Syndrome can
google it - plus Barrets Disease
do not take my spelling as correct *
other wise I am fine-boo hoo
and alas, no to any of those drinks
other than the instant breakfasts
I have to avoid high fat also
The office did tell me if the pain increases too
much to go to the city emergency rather
than our local town as they can get a
the specialist quicker------(-there are no pain
meds one can take for this--)
however I sure would rather have things
taking care of before an emergency=
there: I did my tea whine(LOL)
now I will go drink some more water.
huggles Meme

ABC Blessings * A

2009-08-12T00:31:00.004-06:00

an old picture of Dogman sun tanning --He was getting ready to help papa hubby weed-whip.
My brain has gone to alpha-bites--LOL

and I was thinking off different items in the house

that are blessings that I see and and yet, some how

do not see----------

I enjoyed the letter V unglazed that

so many of us did yesterday.

I think everyone had a different V that

they expressed in writing and pictures.

I am going to have to work on the letter U

but for today I will list some A blessings-

that seem plain and simple but blessings

are never plain and simple when we

see them as blessings.

----------------

A is for

applesauce

I remember mama making applesauce in the early fall- she used the crab apple

which by its self can be quite tart and slightly bitter but with a some

sugar added, it became a nice fruit and dessert -

we would pour it over toast and then eat our special breakfast

with a knife and fork. She added a touch of vanilla and a bit of butter

to the sauce when she took it off the stove.

Now I buy those little fruit cups in the store-

where we live they are less expensive than the apple

and provide me with vitamin C and Dogman loves to

clean out the near empty cup and pack it around all day-

I have an unconscious rule to leave just a little

so he does not work for nothing.LOL
huggles from Meme and Dogman too.

The Letter V

2009-08-10T23:06:00.004-06:00

here I am and it is still Monday here but I know that I am pushing it..............

V is sometimes a very very hard letter to ponder on------

but then I remember that it is one of the main food groups

VEGETABLES

alas we in Canada and USA have got away from eating vegetables-

I remember as a kid that we had vegetables with dinner and supper

so many different kinds--carrots- turnips- cabbage- squash- peas

beans- corn-tomatoes and others but these were our main ones

and we grew all our vegetables- Mama had two gardens - one close

to the house which was for summer vegetables- and then the big

garden out in the field where we had our groceries for winter.

They were both hard work but paid off well each year-

The gardens were our main source of food and a must-

there was no corner store or money to buy something we could grow

mama canned a lot of veggies in the hot month of August-

on our wood cook stove and then around the end of September

we all went out to dig the main garden - all the vegetables had to

be dried well before storage-

We ate all winter long and enjoyed many foods- including homemade

pickles-

Thank God for vegetables - HUGS FROM MEME
check out this blog for more letter V fun-------http://unglazed.blogspot.com/

Finding the Mary in me..........

2009-08-07T21:11:00.002-06:00

Martha, Martha, thou
careful and troubled about many things. But one thing is needful; and Mary hath chosen that good part.......Luke 10: 41,42
--------------confession from Meme---------
I suffer from busyness- I am always doing something and always have something to do
and often run out of time to finish everything and fall into bed too tired to do anything
to tired to do my devotion
too tired to pray
too tired to hear His voice
too tired sometimes to sleep =
too busy and too tired!
our daily life can do that to us- we fill our homes with things but things get dirty or used or moved and so we need to take care of things.
but lately I have no energy to do all the things on the list in my mind
and I have been burned out for double days now
and just having to rest and there is no energy left to burn
and the Lord is reminding me that the blessings He gave to me were never meant
to become burdens---or a replacement for His friendship=
I need to find the Mary in me-- I need to sit down and have idle hands
and a quiet mind- I ask Jesus to come and then I leave Him to sit alone
in my heart and my house-
this is a not a new problem for Meme but now it is time for me to begin
to make changes so that I too can sit at His feet with out a do list in my head.
I have let the ordinary things of daily life take procedure over the Lord=
I ask for prayer to begin again as a friend of Jesus who takes the time
to hear His voice. A friend who will sit and listen- a friend who is glad to have
His company.
Forgive me, Lord for my busyness- Teach me to be still - both mind and body-
Love from Meme

Favorite things

2009-08-06T15:57:00.002-06:00

I think that I will do some blogs
on favorite things that I enjoy.
no special order or timing
but mainly wanting to share
some of the blessings that the Lord has given to me.
they are just ordinary things that add joy to my life.
my electric blanket:
I am a cold person and this blanket is a warm blessing for me.
It is a soft light green, polyester, and soft.
It is the size of afghan so is easy to fold up
and pack from room to room.
This blanket and I have shared a lot of naps
together- it has a timer so Meme does not over cook-
and this blanket kept papa hubby warm
when he was a home with cancer-
It reminds me of how the Lord covers me
in times of cold and weariness
His love is soft and warm.
He covers me with His love.
and watches over me while I sleep.
''Come to me, all you are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.''
Matthew 11:28 NIV

summer sun

2009-08-04T22:27:00.002-06:00

cool and wet day here so maybe our summer is over
I have been getting some summer sun
and also just not doing so great
I realize that I am going to have to let
the grief go=====
as it is now making me sick and tired
so I am trying to find some new focus in my life
to take my mind off of--
missing papa hubby
Dogman is fine- in and out all day
but always in by bedtime
he just sits and watches in case a
kitty should dare walk the back alley
I will have to dig some blogs out of my memory
and see what I can come up with
have a great week
huggles from Meme

WHERE IS MEME?

2009-07-26T23:39:00.000-06:00

Here I am-------
I took last week off from most things
including the blogs
last week was a nice but bitter sweet time
July 21 was papa David's graduation date for eternal life
July 23 was his earth birthday- he would have been 70
July 25 was his memorial date for his funeral
so it was a week of memories
I did put a ''in loving memory- piece in our local paper
I did it for me to help in healing the tendar scars
I know he is fine and worshipping his Lord
and
we have had a heat wave and
living in Alberta means we do not have air conditioners
as we only need one about 1 week a year...
so I have been getting up early to do chores
and then resting and reading in my room
I do not tolerate sun shine and high temps well
I am not used to it so it saps me dry
but I know winter is coming- again so I
appreciate the hot days now
blessings to you all and I will be back in gear asap
HUGGLES FROM MEME

sunshine and clouds....

2009-07-07T21:44:00.002-06:00

We got our rain and brother farmer says that he got enough - we have no puddles hanging around as we were so dry--------we did not get some of the thunder and lightening that other areas did- we have had storms pass over today but no more rain.Papa hubby's friend stopped by to help me clean out the old trailer which will be going to the dump- we were using as a storage shed but now it have lived it's day and needs to go out to pasture. We did have fun trying to guess what some of papa's plans were in regards to some of the items.We do make plans and we do have hope and we do not think about the day when the Lord calls us home. We need to be ready for that day- because it is quicker than a wink- and there are no do-overs.When we were told that papa hubby had terminal cancer in stage 4 plus we both remembered God's promise in John 3:16. We were prepared and so all papa hubby had to do was hang for the ride. And it was quite a ride for both us. It was the best times and worst of times.I remember so well my David's last morning and laying beside him thinking how will I know when he goes with the Lord and I remember the sweet presence of the Lord in the room and how there were no words left for us to say.I kissed him good bye as I was going home to change clothes(I would walk the 4 blocks home - change and return ) and he moved his cheeks as he had no energy to speak. I always laid my head on his chest and would say pitter patter pooh- I love you. I got ready to leave (which was only a minute in our time)and went back to kiss him good bye again and when I laid my head on his shoulder he had already slipped away - He was calm and peaceful and silent and I am so glad the Lord gave us that gift together alone. We did not have to say good-bye.I do miss him but I would not ask the Lord to bring him back to this earthy world where sin has entered in and where stuff turns to dust and rust. Missing him is worth it because I have the joy of knowing where he is and who he is with.

huggles me, Meme who according to her spell check as made no mistakes--LOL but the punctuation is

the picture is the tornado that touched down about 24 miles north of Meme

Rain....

2009-07-07T00:05:00.000-06:00

It is raining here today which is what we need--and so our rain is an answer to prayer.God's blessing helps the earth grow our food and keeps us continually blessed. So often, we want to have only the sun-shinebut if there are no storms we would not see our rainbows.I feel like I am in midst of another storm right now as time is getting closer to the one year that my dear hubby has been gone- It seems like only yesterday that I held him in my arms and sang the song telling us that Jesus loved him. He loved Jesus too and had a personal faith that comforted him as he walked in the valley of death. Death came but could not steal him as his death was his victory in Jesus.I know that the sun will shine in my heart again and that the rain will help me grow- and I will see the rainbows again.

please pray that as I seek His comfort that I will remember that I do not walk alone and there is sunshine after the rain.
huggles me, Meme

thinking my way out....

2009-06-30T23:45:00.001-06:00

it has been a rough month for me-
missing the papa man so much
part of this is that Miss Ashley is gone so much now
and that is how it should be.......
I do not want her to have to baby sit Meme
I want her to have a fun time in this part of her life
there is still some growing to do
and you can be grown up for a long time
once all is said and done-
my widow friend of three years came
for tea day and she assured me that
I am being normal considering the
circumstances but boy normal
sure can hurt......
the days seem so long and then there are the nights
the hardest part of day is shutting off the lights
around the house-
I am keeping my faith and following
my Shepherd---
I need to finish a few small business things
and then it will be just me.
I know that God is in control and I
try very hard not to question Him about
His plans---
I am glad June is over....last June was the heavy
month on the cancer journey ----it was
all the endings of what dear papa hubby
was able to do......it was the worst of times
Tomorrow is new day and a new month
I will carry on.......
hugs from Meme

a Meme note

2009-06-22T00:45:00.000-06:00

I have been off doing things and forgetting to blog. On Thursday, Dogman had his spring cleaning and got his hair cut and his nails done- Miss Ashley and I walked him down town and then did this and that while he was busy-- then I walked him home again which translated means he walked me home.
I did something on Friday but my mind as forgot- but I do know that I was out for my walk. I try to walk some where everyday when the weather is nice.
Yesterday I walked down and checked out our new drugstore which actually sells groceries also. That really amazed me- to find a milk isle in the drug store- it is big and seems very nice. I found some honey and bread and so Dogman and I had toast and honey today. It is closer for me to walk too than the regular grocery store so will be nice in the winter- some things are higher priced and some are not. I will go to both depending on the weather and what I need.
It took me nearly a year to get to the point of walking down town without dear papa- I was so used to him being with me that I did not even know how to put the money in the cart slot to get a cart- here most of the stores have carts but you have to pay up first and then once you are done and put the cart back in the proper area- your money comes back to you.
Our first father's day with out papa here on earth but he had his first father's day with his Lord. He has been a father for 50 years now. I miss him and yet, I cannot ask for more of him from the Lord. David is at peace now with no pain or sorrow-- his kids gave him much sorrow because of drugs- he does not have to look and hope and pray for them anymore- that has been passed to me- sigh--My step daughter called last night- she has not called since the funeral day- she was too ashamed as she had gone back on cocaine- sigh- she said she is off right now- pray - please- I do not want to be around anyone who is into drugs and I am not interested in rehabilitating anyone either. We did try that and it did not work but I can still love her and pray-
Must go as I did say this was a short note--LOL
double hugs for all my friends- from Meme

a short note

2009-06-17T22:11:00.002-06:00

I am not lost but just trying to do what I can- here is a short Meme note
and I will be back soon.

****************
-I did get rid of the garbage that I got out for our sanitation man and now I have another bag for next week- if only papa hubby would have collected stamps--LOL but he was a wood crafter and a rock hound and every thing he had weighs a lot-

plus I have a hairline fracture in my back and so I have to rethink everything that I do. yesterday was the eldest daughters birthday and I gave her a gift from me plus I gave her a beautiful hand made mug that she gave her dad when she was around 4 years old. A sweet sorrow gift but I know it means a lot to her and also the fact that her dad used it for over 35 years.
my friend make it and papa used it to store his bills etc for the month for all those years.

and so yes. I continue on ...........and I will skip the toss list.

huggles from Meme- today a year ago is the day that my husband left our home for good to go into pallitive care- I am glad I have been able to let go of his things now- it is a bittersweet day but it is also a blessing for me as it releases my attachment to his things. I miss him.

Silent Sounds

2009-06-14T23:44:00.000-06:00

most days now my house is silent-
and as I listen.....
I can hear the silence.
I no longer hear the sounds of two
hearts beating together.
I remember the last days with papa hubby
and how I would lean against his chest
to hear the pitter patter of his heart.
it was the sound of hope.....
it was the last sound I heard papa speak
and then last time I listened
all I heard was the sound of silence.
He had left this world as quiet as
the angels who came to take him home.
I hear that silent sound now..........
and I miss his sounds......
and yet, I feel the sounds in my heart
and I know that on the day that
the sound of silence came to me
that the bells in heaven rang.
huggles me, Meme

When the time is right...

2009-06-10T21:17:00.000-06:00

my bedroom is looking pretty cozy and meme like
there are many things in here that papa hubby gave me
and also things that we shared together...
papa was a tool man so he seldom had a lot of
his things in here- our closets are too small to
fit both on us in---so he used the spare room closet
and I used my/our room for my clothes-
the sweaters we shared were in his closet
so the closet did not require any changes-
I found one of his tools called a plainer(sp)
which is hand held and small so I am using it for
a book end. I like it as he used it often while
making his canes......so lots of DNA
I can still only do so much at a time and
only deal with certain things yet.
But I am moving forward step by step
because I know that is what papa hubby
asked me to do. He was very strong spoken that
the things he left behind are of this world
and that I am to take care of myself.
Because of my health I know that this house
is too much for me to deal with and that
I will have to move in a couple of years.
I know that I need to start the steps......
in order to be able to complete this
before I have to leave here.
It is sad to know that I will be letting
our home go but it is also exciting to know
that I can make a new home for Meme.
It takes time to remove the detachments of papa
hubby's things because it is hard to remind me
that these are now my things and if I keep them all
I am the one responsible.
The wonderful thing is that papa is not missing
his things- or noticing his things going- or wants his things to
be kept for him. I know that he has his treasures in heaven
from Jesus- no pain- no suffering- no tears- no sadness
and he is not alone- He is with his Lord and Savior who
taught us all to not store our treasures on earth
for they will rust and turn to dust.
God's treasures are eternal.
God will give me and you strength to do
what needs to be done when the time is right.
God is our time keeper.
Wait for the Lord..........Psalm 27:14

that dear granddaughter

2009-06-07T19:48:00.000-06:00

yesterday the grand daughter was off to see family on her birth
dad's side--sometimes I get confused so I do wonder how she keeps
every one in her mind.
she came home before mid night which means Oma was still
up and had not turned into a pumpkin--LOL.
now for some reason she kept tempting me away from
my room - but I kept coming back-
and she kept tempting me with things she needed or needed done
and as it was getting closer to midnight-
Oma finally fell for the
maid for a minute or two........
.Oma knows when to give up....in...over...
so off I went to do maid duty and
suddenly I hear strange noises in my room and as
noises are generally not found in my room and
as I have completed the maid for a minute job.....
(which took more minutes than I planned )
I return to discover my grand daughter standing
on a stool in a rather strange position
and in some danger according to Oma-- but I
look up to see that she had put some words
on my wall - all in fancy letters- first
done on a special machine and then put on
where ever one wants them to go and
well no, Oma did not cry......
I saved the tears for later......because this is what the words
say.....
JESUS LOVES YOU
GOD BLESS YOU
SEE YOU IN THE MORNING
LOVE PAPA
these were the words that papa hubby always
closed the day with ......either tucking g'kids into bed
or going to his bed at night,
even the cancer could not take all the words
from him as he would struggle for breath
to finish.......
She has them displayed so that when I lay
down at night or wake up in the morning
I will see the words from his heart.
God bless my Miss Ashley

clearing out the bedroom...

2009-06-05T22:18:00.004-06:00

I got a lot of things done today because we have rain that is also snow at times so it was not fit day for man or beast to go outside. I did clear out at least 50 things since I started to sort out the bedroom..I just put down check marks as I do not want to get bogged down with lists. I know myself too well- some is gone, some things went to where they really belonged, and some is going to be giving away as soon as I get a good day for travel. The main thing is that it has all left my bedroom.

I have some of my things, some of our things and a few things of papa hubby's for decor.I am a not matchie-pooh lady so if it is something that brings me joy I have it in here.I fixed up the DVD player so I can relax and watch my/our favorite DVDs- (( I set it up all by myself and it works). I still think in terms of ''ours'' often.

It is still half bed-room and half-office. Office really means where I have my laptop and is where I write notes to my friends. I do the bills out in the dining room. I call it office only to feel more official. (smile)

My bedroom is now peaceful and filled with memories of me and we. There are special moments when I think- here I am, and I feel joy again. And even though- life is not fair and often hard I have made a place where I can have moments of peace. Moments where I can just 'be me.''

Because of the grief there has not been a lot of room for emotional baggage to stay. Cancer has a way of changing one's ambitions and priorities. For me, the only real things that matter now is to love and to notice and value the small moments of joy in my life. Things like the sunbeams on my kitchen floor, a walk to no where, my dog's tail wagging, smiling at strangers before they smile at me..........
I have learned with a deep awareness to find the things that really matter now.I have the need to learn and to grow, and to be all of who I am/ was meant to be.
And as I share my blanket of memories with friends and ''you'', my prayer is that you will be blessed.

hugs from Meme

Meme's content day........

2009-06-04T00:24:00.001-06:00

I had a content day here both in body and mind-
I think I was just happy to be at the end of all the tests
and appointments and with results that I can live with..
I have been sick for over 2 years now and so
glad that the Lord gave me manna strength to take
care of dear papa
I did some amazing things with and for him
things that I could have never done on my own...
God is good.
I am not stressed with the medical results.
I got groceries today and it was book club -
last one until September
I did not finish the last book as it had
too many things in it that I do not believe-
and things against God's word.
one of our questions today was ??
what do we think heaven is like....
and my answer was that I know that it will
be a wonderful place because Jesus will be there.
I did not answer a lot of the questions
but when someone said that none of us know
about heaven so it is really up to our imagination
I did say that I know what God's
promises are re heaven and the place He is preparing
for me/us-- I was very careful to word the statement
as a witness as all the ladies do not think
that whole Bible is true- sigh-
it was a tough meeting as sometimes
I felt very disregarded for my belief and faith
but honored that I was free to speak..
but I know that what God says-God does.
we did have giggles too and I am praying
for those ladies to find the true Jesus.
I am sad that the world is rejecting
God and his promises--
Anne Frank said these words..
I DON'T THINK OF ALL THE MISERY, BUT OF ALL THE BEAUTY
THAT STILL REMAINS.
Let us keep an eye out for His beauty.
hugs from Meme

and the doctor said...

2009-06-02T22:37:00.001-06:00

Finally got the to see the doctor re my tummy and this is my story--ignore any thing that mentions cancer as I am ok there- however I do not know how to delete all the info and still make sense--

1. Barrett's Esophagus Barrett's esophagus. Barrett's esophagus (BE) leads to abnormal changes in the cells of the esophagus.About 10% of patients with symptomatic GERD have BE. In some cases, BE develops as an advanced stage of erosive esophagitis. While obesity, alcohol use, and smoking have all been implicated as risk factors for Barrett's esophagus, their role remains unclear. Only the persistence of GERD symptoms indicates a higher risk for BE.Not all patients with BE have either esophagitis or symptoms of GERD. In fact, studies suggest that more than half of people with BE have no GERD symptoms at all. BE, then, is likely to be much more prevalent and probably less harmful than is currently believed.. When BE patients develop abnormalities of the mucus membrane cells lining the esophagus (dysplasia), the risk of cancer rises significantly. There is some evidence that acid reflux may contribute to the development of cancer in BE.2. plus...this is the second problem most likely due to the first problem--dysphagiaIf the esophagus becomes severely injured over time, narrowed regions called strictures can develop, which may impair swallowing (a condition known as dysphagia). Stretching procedures or surgery may be required to restore normal swallowing. Strictures may actually prevent other GERD symptoms, by stopping acid from traveling up the esophagus. I also have neurogical problems in the muscles of the esophagus and this also has too be watch closely in case I lost my breath as I need these muscles to work when I breath-- It has a name too but I lost it some where in my head-3. a H. hernia about 1 inch----there is things that could be done but I told him that I am just not emotionally or physically well enough to make any decisions right now and so I will see him again on September 3 where he will explain my options. He also gave me a new prescription that should help some. My option right now is to ask for prayer. I would like to spend a joyful summer eating and with no pain. I am too thin now and need to build up my strength-- the reason I am so tired is that I am not getting enough calories due to my high metabolism and severe tummy problems .and that is my story- and I will be back soon with another tale.

-hugs from Meme who so appreciates her friends and the prayers

PAPA'S DRIVEWAY

2009-05-25T22:32:00.002-06:00

When we first moved into this house our backyard where we parked was a muddy weed mixed with grass bog. Every time it rained we had to walk through or around puddles to get to the car. The kids always had dirty socks and fun playing in the puddles. And every winter was a night mare to get out of the yard.
We did not have the money to spend on fixing a drive way as there were always other needs. About ten years ago, papa decided that he wanted to fix the drive way so that we could get in and out with more ease and also escape the mud. We had no money so papa went to our local gravel yard with his truck and started bringing gravel home. They had a special pile of crushed gravel that was free if you loaded it yourself. He loaded it by shovel and unloaded and we needed many loads as we only had a half-ton and a big space to fill. Once he got the gravel here- he then unloaded it by hand and started to make our drive-way.-
It was hard work as he not only trucked in the gravel for the driveway, unloaded it but he also packed the gravel by hand. We could not afford to rent a packer. He made a special packer from his imagination that worked well so that our drive way was compact. He made the driveway wide enough for 2 vehicles plus wide path ways and brought it right to the balcony so we had no puddles to wade through.-
Because gravel settles into the mud he had to do this 3 times that summer and then the next summer he repeated the whole process twice. He was a hard worker and did all this in his spare time. He continued to add more gravel for two more summers and pack it by hand until he had the perfect driveway for our truck and car.
All his neighbors were amazed that one man would and could do all that work by hand. Every year a few weeds sneak in trying to grow in the gravel and papa would go after them with his weed killer.This year the weeds came again- not a lot but enough to annoy me and also if they are let go our drive way will become a weed garden and I was not willing to see that happen.
Today I went out and dug out all the weeds by hand-- I do not know how to operate papa's weed pump and so I simply dug them out with a meat fork so that I could also get the roots. I filled a 5 gallon pail packed with the weeds.It was a hard job kneeling on the gravel but it felt so good- I had such peace and joy to be doing something to honor papa hubby by keeping his drive way up to speed. I felt his joy of when he made the driveway.
His joy was/is my joy.

hugs from Meme

A WONDER DAY......

2009-05-20T22:04:00.001-06:00

I had a wonderful birthday yesterday.
both daughters called---
my brother called me and I received
many many emails and I know a snail mail
is coming soon too---
and friends brought us over supper
and although they could not stay
for supper they had time for a visit-
so it was a very good day for Meme
I was blessed to write the ''Birthday Story''.
even though it was bittersweet
it was a day I wanted to share-
as my gift to you.
last year this time there was no time
to write the story and the timing was not right.
weather wise we had rain and sleet and snow and gray skies
and then after supper a blue sky with some sunshine-and -clouds.
it reminded me of this new journey-----
that I am on.....we got through the weather yesterday
and I will get through this journey -
blue skies peeking through among the gray-
sometimes rain and sometimes sun.
all the things I need to grow.
now Meme has overdone for her age-
and I need to have an early rest tonight.
Thank you for the wonderful greetings and
for your gifts of prayer and encouragement
that you have blessed me with this last year.
hugs from Meme

A BIRTHDAY STORY

2009-05-19T19:51:00.002-06:00

last year this time was my big 60 birthday
papa hubby had been looking forward to this date
since the day I turned 59 as he liked the fact
that we would be in the same decade--LOL
both in our sixties- this only happened for a year
and a bit as he was nearly 9 years older than me
but of course - last year was our cancer journey
and his plans had to go on hold........
but papa was not one to be defeated by cancer
when he made plans he made plans --
= so he talked to the pastor
and with ease- convinced the pastor to have
a cake at the church for me----the pastor had
to tell me a few days ahead of time as there
was no guarantee that papa would have the strength
to go to church that day---so it was decided that
I would go----with out him and Miss Ashley would
stay with papa-----but papa hubby was determined
to go and so Bonnie and I took him but late so that
he would have enough strength ---to last an hour or two-
we took him there with great care- and parked as
close to the front door we could so he did not have
to walk one step more than was needed-
he was very weak by then and taking a small step
was hard work ........
we got there and the deacons were waiting for him
and me and they helped him into the sanctuary
and because the pastor knew papa and I had
to come late to conserve his energy
he gave papa hubby a nice welcome as
papa had not been able to go since April
our church is small enough to do that
and every one knew papa hubby and his journey-
after the service we had cake in the main foyer
and we put papa hubby on a chair
everyone came to see him and shake his hand
he was so blessed
and it was a ''good bye'' time for him
and his friends
yes, it was my birthday and we ate cake too
but the day was really a honoring of David
we knew that there would be no more
Sunday outings for him as he could
barely walk- and sitting required too much
energy
and he got to see his two daughters in church
as the Ashley invited them too
and we all stood there around papa hubby
some one bought me flowers to add
to papa's special cake
it was a nice time and not long
as we/they knew papa was too weak
we brought him home and
he was so tired but happy
happy to give me a surprise and
happy to see his friends again
happy that his plans happened-
we both knew it was his last time
we knew that he could not walk much longer
his legs were like stove pipes( that is what the doctors call them
and his tummy
make him look pregnant as his body grew a water blister
around his cancer thinking to protect it from
the foreign body-(cancer does this to some patients)
also
he was going through
his chemo side effects but God gave him the strength
to go one more time -
looking back is bittersweet - but with thanksgiving
it is a birthday I will always remember-
his family all together and his church friends
shaking his hand and hugs and kisses
and praying for him and with him
it was a wonderful moment in time
that will always be in my heart
so that is my birthday story
and now today is another birthday
a new year for me...
and I am learning to live with out papa David
to celebrate the moments-
to count my blessings and
not the candles-
and to share the memories
that I hold in my heart.
hugs from Meme

snow party

2009-05-18T23:53:00.002-06:00

alas it snowed here in sunny Alberta today--
about 2 inches and stayed --
we have had a late spring and a long winter
I was watching the snow flakes fall
a slow snow falling- just taking its time
to get to the ground and then staying
where it landed-----
it reminded me to slow down too
that time does pass about as fast as we run
and that it is ok to stand at the window--
past the middle of May and watch the snow fall
we have a white world out in our yard with some
green peeking through and the sunshine tomorrow
will turn it into water for our land--
and there were other moments for me today
besides just the snow
and I took them as they came
watching Miss Ashley vegetate on the couch
Dogman jumping with joy
because she got up and gave him a treat
looking at the planters that we had to bring in
just watching the seeds grow
finishing a good book
eating cheezies in/on my bed
learning about food on the food channel-LOL
there were sad moments too
and forgotten moments remembered
and when I think of papa hubby
I remember how he found joy in doing moments
and going moments-
and his coming home moments
he loved to go on adventures but he
loved to come home again
take your moments - as they come
enjoy the them and tuck them away
for another day when you need to hide
in the moment--
because even the stormy moments
can become sunshine moments
if we treasure the sparkles---------
hugs from Meme

A WILD RIDE,,

2009-05-16T22:43:00.001-06:00

neither Miss Ashley and I can drive but we have papa hubby's car which I gave to Ashley- we have to start it now and then and so we sat in it today with Dogman and listened to the tape that papa had in the tape deck- it was the old country music and yodeling by a lady singer that papa enjoyed- we turned it up high and then Ashley backed the car up to the end of the drive way and then parked it again- LOLwe had such fun making a memory and sharing memories-Dogman enjoyed the ride too...and I am sure the neighbors are in grief now watching and listening to us--the tape has sat in there for two winters now and played as good as new-
hugs from Meme

end of the week

2009-05-15T23:29:00.000-06:00

times seems to fly by when one is not feeling well
but I did accomplish a lot of little things this week
ran into things of papa hubby's again
and it always a hard decision to decide
what to do with his things-
do I toss it?
do I keep it?
do I sell it?
do I give it away?
and I find things of mine too
but the decision is easier
because it does not hold old memories
Papa always had a vision
to use what ever he kept
some day was a day of the week
to papa--LOL
and he did make some great things.....
he just had that kind of imagination.......
I have started my crocheting again
found the crochet cotton I forgot I had..
this is a nice red - and - I am just doing
a granny square table cloth--it will be about
33 by 33 as that fits my table
that I want to put it one...
it is a little over half done and I will have enough
to do one more- and I plan to use it(them)
in any season as Christmas is all year
in my heart...the next one I make I
will attempt a pattern but my
right side brain is not working with
the left side yet...
grief not only steals your joy many days
but it also steals your rememberer--
I discovered today that I am one day
younger than I thought--LOL
I thought my birthday was this coming Monday
but it is really this coming Tuesday-
I will write a birthday tale from last year
on my birthday-----
stay tuned because it is a good story
that I have not told yet--
Meme must go now
and I will be back-
big canadian hugs from Meme

widow thoughts

2009-05-06T01:45:00.001-06:00

I am restless tonight and just thinking about
the way we were and wondering how to be a widow!?
I was raised to be a wife-
and although we talked about one of us
leaving first
it was always a some day conversation
about when ever that would happen
it was in the future but it was not reality
we made our wills to take care of each other
but it was a some day thought
and now some day came and went
and I am here and papa hubby is not
the hardest thing to do is to take his name off of things
some things I can leave for now - and
it is unreal to walk downtown with his
death certificate in my purse
I only carry it if I have too and I
simply cannot read it--sigh--
he made sure that I would be left ok
and that nothing would be in my way
as I follow this track on
a new journey but alone
my heart rejoices that he is with the Lord
and that the Lord knew best
but my heart just hurts
I had a fear that I might not remember him
every day- that some how I might forget how we were
and then I read another widow's journey
and realized that God will keep papa hubby's
memories in my heart
God will keep me safe in the love that we had
because love is stronger than death
hugs from Meme

jammie day

2009-05-05T00:16:00.000-06:00

Meme had a jammie day which is another way of saying I did not
want to get all dressed up with no place to go----
every once and a while and some times more often
I just putter about doing the chores in my jammies
they are quite cosy and comfortable and respectable too
I had planned on having a do nothing day until
I made the mistake of entering the doom room
which translated is the room where Miss Ashley resides
I decided to check under the clothes and see if the rug
was still there and then I did the Oma thing
Oma-s can do these things that mothers should never do
I did her laundry- as a gift to her
she was sad today and went to work sad
due to some family issues and because it is better
for Oma- to say less sometimes I decided to give
her the gift of clean laundry---
I also freshened her blankets by tossing them into
the dryer with that vanilla smell she so loves-
the things that made her sad did work out partly
but not enough to heal her hurts
and we just have to continue to pray
for her and them - she comes from a split home
back ground and is often stuck in the middle
of problems which belong to others who should know better-
I do not do these things for her
often but I felt that it was a
cheerio that she needed at this time
--she was still quite emotionally needy tonight
but has settled now in her clean bed
and oh yes, the rug is still there--LOL-
pray for her heart to be healed as she has
been broken for so long
hugs from Meme

MEME SKIPPING

2009-05-01T00:23:00.000-06:00

Meme IS skipping.....
alas- not exercising but skipping the Internet
my hours seem to be short this last week or two
and it is not the weather of spring yet
we have had some snow nearly every day
so our spring chores are delayed
and I am not accomplishing a lot but I
am content to do next to nothing
for a while
on Tuesday I stayed in jammies and bed with tea and crackers
and the dog and had a nice rest
napped and channel changed=
it was of good of papa hubby to leave the remote here--LOL
I am feeling like the stone of grief has moved from my heart
and although the grief is there I can see light -
I laugh more now and I am seeing pieces of Meme
coming back.....I know that papa hubby would want that
his name is no longer on the member list at church because
he moved on--
that was a big step for me to realize that he has no earthly
cares and pain and grief- and he left so much joy behind
plus a lot wood and rocks and saws and tools and magazines
and his model cars and so on and so on
and precious memories-
I was thinking of one tale
tonight which I will share soon and
we can laugh together=
How good God is............
sharing a unknown author's thoughts

''the Lord is my shepherd,
my Father and friend
He comforts me in loneliness
His kindness knows no end-
He fills my home with memories
and quiet thoughts to keep,
He fills my heart with hope
and joy and peace...
as I face the world again --
hugs from Meme

A NEW WEEK

2009-04-26T20:24:00.002-06:00

I have had a good week
keeping my peace with hope
but peace is not with out sorrow
I went up stairs this week and began
to take papa hubby's world on earth
apart-
this is difficult as he was such a hobby man
wood work - hockey cards- comic books- rocks
and anything else that took up his time
plus a lot of etc. :-)
he enjoyed these things and also was a keeper
and it is difficult to sort through his treasures
and decide what to toss and what to keep and
what to give away-
He made beautiful diamond willow walking sticks
and canes from scratch- he cut the trees -dried them
and peeled the bark and etc- it is quite an interesting
hobby and requires hard work and patience--
the cancer came so fast and so hard that he
never had the time to organize or clean up his things
and he fussed about that but I assured that all
was well and that I could do it for him later
it is later now and he no longer has need of
his earth treasures but I am glad that he had them
he used to drink in bars and was a bit on the wild side
and then in 1972 he came home and said that he
was not going to drink anymore as he could see how it
was hurting me and he never did!!
he just quit and asked
God to replace his alcohol with something else and
God did and He gave papa hubby a love for nature -
He could find pictures in rocks and wood-
He make rings and things with the rocks after
he cut them and polished them and
he just knew how to pick out the art of God
so now as I go through his things I find treasures too
a lot I will give to family members- no matter the value
things are things on earth and heaven is coming
I think of being on this side of heaven and papa
hubby is on the other side and our love
is eternal-
what a wonderful thing to know the plans that
God has for each us-
hugs from Meme

checking in....

2009-04-21T23:07:00.002-06:00

I am getting behind on bloggingbut I have been enjoying the fresh air and sunshine.
I am doing ok
I did not think I would ever be ok again but I am......
.the grief is quiet for now.
I remember when our kids were little and how at the age of two they would want to be to independent but every once in a while they would suddenly cling
to us even if they knew we were just leaving the room
and would return.....
and trying to untangle a two year old who has decidedto hang on to a leg was no small feat--
- and I remember how I would bend down and pick them up and hold them and reassure them that mama loved them and would not go away -
and that is how this grief is----
I know Jesus is with me
but sometimes I have to just hang on to Him for dear life
as if He was going to leave the room with out me and He
does bend down and pick me up and hold me and love me and reassure me-
that He is my comforter and shepherd
and we will go or not go together.........
.He loves me and you......
and that is enough for me-
have a wonder week and I will try to report in with a tale or two--
hugs from Meme

Because I love him.......

2009-04-16T22:12:00.000-06:00

this morning I was having one of those "" why""" moments
why God?
why papa hubby?
why me?
and then I heard that small quiet voice
that we all can hear when we listen with our heart
""BECAUSE I LOVE HIM
BECAUSE HE IS MINE
HE IS MY BELOVED""
and then I knew that all the crys
of my heart have been answered
that God was in control
that God was right
and that God so loved papa David
that He gave his beloved and only son so
that David did not perish but has everlasting life-
and this afternoon I was sitting on the balcony
with Dogman on his loveseat (yes, Dogman has
his own loveseat outside too)
and the sun was shining on us
and the breeze was warm
and the world was silent
and all was well with my soul.
I had peace beyond understanding
He is my shelter from the storm-
hugs from Meme

the Sliver

2009-04-15T23:40:00.001-06:00

today Miss Ashley got a sliver in her hand-(she is dear grand daughter-19- who lives full time with Oma now due to family issues )
Now papa hubby was the doctor hug in our house- he dealt with the blood and bruises and slivers and the tears- Oma was back up...........
Miss Ashley broke down and cried and cried for her papa - she would not let Oma help except to listen - she needed papa- I got her supplies- needle and tweezers and kleenex
she did get it out on her own with many tears- it was not the pain of the sliver that made tears but that papa was not there to do it or comfort her........but I am so proud of her as she worked both the sliver and the tears out-
it is important for her to cry also - she was a blessing to her papa in his cancer journey
she was here for him from the first day and did not shy away from helping him- she even cut his hair for him and lifted him in bed for comfort and the last night before his home
coming she held his eyes open for his to see- his muscles were too weak - she just knew what to do and he would always thank her - she knew he wanted to see us and she knew how long to hold them open and then let them rest- it gave papa a rather surprised look and we all had a memory making laugh-
the nurses were surprised that a teen age girl would spend so much time with him and do careful caring things for him- she taught them a lot about love .........
so you- see- the sliver was more than a sliver- it was a memory -
she is fine now and we both talked about papa being safe from slivers in his eternal life-
huggles from Meme who is still learning.....

grief thoughts......

2009-04-13T22:51:00.000-06:00

I thought that I could manage my grief by this time- but thoughts of mine
are not the Lords-
His thoughts and plans are good for me and my future
and so He guides me in the grief-
I do not know where I am at except past the
beginning -
I thought I could run away from the grief and I thought I could
walk alone in the grief- but I can do neither
I had a opinion that some how grief effected my relationship or walk
with the Lord- I thought that I should have it all together by now but I
did not trust in Lord's timing........
I can say that the grief is less painful and more joyful.
I know- it is hard to understand this joy.........but as I miss the world
that I had - I see a new world opening for me- a world with out papa hubby
but a world with memories of him as husband- father- papa -
Papa hubby has gone to his new home and the Lord is preparing a place
for me also but until He takes me home
I must put my trust in Him and follow what ever path He leads me on-
I believe that grief will always be a part of my/our walk because grief is
a result of love-
so some days I will come with tears and some days I will come
with laughter
but my friends- I will come because I cannot walk this journey
alone and I know that the Lord is leading to touch the hearts of
others - friends are gifts from God
and while I am talking and walking my/our
Lord is my shepherd
He will not leave me alone
and He will not leave you alone
hugs from Meme

The Me in We......

2009-04-09T21:09:00.001-06:00

I realize that I have not told you a lot of things
about me as my mind is still caught in the grief -

so here is a bit of this and that's
I was raised on a farm - with one brother
my father was a homesteader and born
on his father's homestead in 1910 ( grandpa came from Sweden)
mother was also a homesteader's daughter(grandpa came from Scotland)
they lived about 3 miles a part -
brother has the original homestead now -just over 100 years old
the farm that is ..not brother Bill-LOL
we did not have running water- unless we ran and got it
or indoor plumbing of any kind
the old out house is still standing
and father and mother build a modern house in 1970
our heat was wood cut from the homestead trees
dried for a year and then sawed into logs for the heater
and split for the kitchen cook stove.-

coming to town was quite an experience for me
to have bath tubs and taps and a stove
that turned on with buttons.-

I was raised to be a wife........
and married at what would be considered now
as young but was normal in my life.
I was 18 and papa hubby was 27 -
he was never considered too old for me--LOL
that was how life was in the fifties and sixties
we had 2 daughters- Bonita and Tammy
I worked part time but only jobs that I was able
to do when papa hubby was home so our
kids were not baby sat often........ -

I took an rehabilitation practitioner course
and worked for 15 years at a group home
this was during a time when hubby was injured
with his back and had 6 back fusions --
sadly none of them helped and he was
disabled the last 12 years but still very independent
we spent most of our time together--
when one or the other was not working...

we did not ever become rich in money
but we were rich in love........
we both gave our hearts to the Lord in 1987
and began our walk with the our Shepherd..
I, from watching Billy Graham and papa hubby
at the little pentecostal church I made him go too-
that is a funny story but I was scared to go
as I had heard so many strange stories
and when we got there- we discovered a lot of
normal folks went there too-LOL
we were so blessed by God in that church
but sadly it broke down when our pastor retired
and many members left -
because we took our grand kids to church and
we needed one with a Sunday School.. so
we found a new church for them- Papa hubby
took grand kids to church for 18 years- and
I am so glad we/he did........we/I attend a church of the
Nazarene now - at papa hubby's memorial service
our dear pentecostal pastor was there for us too --

you will get to notice other things about me as
I write here- I am more of an introvert and
I will be 61 in May and I don't feel a day over 60 (grin)
I clean our church to help my income now that hubby is gone--

I love the Lord and I am so thankful for what He has done for me
I hang on to my hope--as -- I miss my papa hubby
whose name was David Allan- and I know that he
is indeed in peace with no pain or sickness or disabilities
huggles from Meme
THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD!!!!!
>

Clearing out

2009-04-08T22:29:00.002-06:00

this year's spring cleaning is really a clearing out
it is hard to imagine how many things a couple
will hang on to and now that I am alone
the things- have less meaning
so I have been busy clearing out =
papa hubby was a keeper of things
and he often kept them in various places
so I run into things all the time
some times it is a good find
like yesterday finding a special silver dollar
from the royal canadian mint- 2006
complete in case and unopened
made of fine silver
it is to celebrate something but I
can not guess what and I do not want to dig
it out of the case right now - need gloves for that
that was papa hubby's rule--LOL
then to day I found that we paid all our household
bills in 2000 - so I shredded them with no gloves
I found a quote also but with no author
I will share it with you as I think that it
applies well to my new life
LORD, PLEASE GIVE ME COURAGE AND STRENGTH TO WALK ALONE, SO I MAY TURN EACH STUMBLING BLOCK INTO A STEPPING STONE.
I am doing that as I move in this journey- some days I stand still--
some days I fall down- some days I get up and some days I take a step
but I always stay with my SHEPHERD-
I will continue to clear out as I move along this journey
have a wonder filled day tomorrow
and pause for a moment to tell someone
you love- that you love them and give them
a meme hug
huggles from Meme

HOT PINK MEME

2009-04-08T00:50:00.002-06:00
I have been having problems with my shoulders and the doctor told me to buy sports bras-
not because I was blessed with anything to put in the bra but because they have better shoulder straps-
and support more than just boobs-( he did not quite say it in those words but........wink)
so the other day I found some on sale and decided to try one- now I am rather on the conservative side of life and most of my bras are white- plus one black one just in case-
well- these sports bras are not white- just black or navy or hot pink - glow in the dark pink-
so of course- Meme chose the black and only one as I wanted to see how well it would help-
and they do work- no digging in straps or those annoying hooks at the back- that you have to do a trick just to get it together-
even better for my back muscles....
.so Meme says- well- if one is good - then two are better - so I can always wear one- while one is in the laundry--
now my mind just went wild as we were entering the store and I said to Miss Ashley- if they have the hot pink one in my size--- I am getting it- of course- I felt sure that the one and only hot pink bra would be gone so I could speak with calm assurance- and shock Ashley a little bit too......

.ha- it was still there and my size and yes- it is now in my house- it is the best goodie thing I have done for myself since papa hubby left- and he would have died laughing--
-he liked my colorful socks and my red shoes that are from the wizard of oz-
Miss Ashley is still LOL and quite impressed that I could be so bold=
so now I have a black one and a dark navy one and a HOT PINKONE----
-and if the fellows read this- you now know what I think of those horrid bras that make us like houdini to get into and out of-
hugs from Meme

Coffee with Papa

2009-04-05T20:32:00.002-06:00

before papa hubby became sick in December of 200
we would have a special coffee time
together each day- French vanilla instant cappuccino-
it was sort of like a date-
it was a nice time of day for us to just share this and that--
after he came home from the hospital with cancer
we still had our coffee once a day-
papa David was not able to drink the whole cup anymore but he loved
the bubbles (foam) and I would share my bubbles with him-
even his last few days he was able to have his bubbles
but unable to drink the coffee
as he had difficulty swallowing.
after he passed away when I went to the store they were out
of our coffee---
there were other brands but this was the special brand that
he and I enjoyed together
it has been out of stock since last Augest-
and today when I was with Ashley we found some-
yes- the same brand and the same price :-)
I came home and it was so nice to sit down and enjoy
a cup of our coffee and also tell Ashley the bubble story
it was a happy memory and I enjoyed the coffee
and even though, he is not here to share the bubbles
I had a blessing in the heart-

standing still

2009-04-03T23:53:00.002-06:00

I am at a place in my grief where I am standing still
I am waiting on the Lord to show me what way to go
I am beyond the pain of
missing papa hubby and I am
letting go of needing him
but letting
go is difficult so that is why I am standing still
waiting for my Shepherd to lead me
I can let go of papa's personal things
because I know he is healed-
no more glasses and no more
back braces
no more clothes-
or canes or shoes or walkers -----
no more pills or pic lines or chemo
or morphine bags attached to his frail body
no more cancer-
no more carrying hime
no more not walking
no more anything because
papa hubby is healed-
my heart is still broken and I know that the Lord
will mend me- and although cracks will remain
I will be used by Him
I need restoration and I know that He will
restore me-
the Lord is my hope
the Lord is my shepherd
who now he has his friend ''papa''
and He has made him whole
hugs from Meme

Meme is feeling lost..

2009-04-02T00:33:00.002-06:00

the last few days I have felt so lost and beyond lonely
I find it hard to make decisions with out dear
hubby input
but I am still marching even if I am standing in place
.......I have been keeping busy also
which is good for me- cleaning out stuff
like drawers and shelves and down
sizing my books
and spring cleaning as I go....
most are good condition and Christian so I
am blessing the church library
and cook books for Miss Ashley
today I did get to the bank
which took a weight off my shoulders
and I did go to my book club
where other old ladies like me
get together and
giggle and sometimes read
the chosen book
we are not serious and just have fun
so off I go...tomorrow is a new day
and I shall rejoice -
huggles from Meme

I found a blessing.......

2009-03-28T19:15:00.002-06:00
while continuing to clean out things in the house, I
found a 2 lovely pictures of Papa David Hubby-
- that were taken
in 1966 the spring before I met him-
I did not know he had these pictures with his box of stuff.
..I am so happy that I am ''high''--LOL
-they are so precious and I will take them down this week
and make copies for the girls--
as they do not have pictures that old or before us or them-

----he was so handsome-- and cute and--------blond
I was a bit shallow at that time as I was so young-
like just barely 18(that summer) -
so I went out with him for his looks and his car--LOL
and love came to stay with us-
and we were married in October--(1966).

I have been cleaning odds and ends in the house
for a couple of years now-a day here and a day there*
going through all those boxes where one tends to stuff things for later..........
..and these were in one of papa hubby's evelopes that he kept special things-
I never went into his things before his death as we were very respective of each other's private things--
---he was the same with me.

it has taken me about 2 years to get where I am(just cleaning things we gathered over the years but knew we were keeping -

-and I found 10 dollars too
so that will help pay for the pictures to give the girls copies-
I want to do them for Easter gifts-----what a family blessing!
--hugs from Meme

blessing of the coats

2009-03-28T00:11:00.002-06:00

on Wednesday before I came home from the city
brother Bill took his wife and I shopping
we puttered in Wal-mart for a while and
I got some tea and this and thats--
then we went to a store in the mall
----last summer when papa hubby died
his sister gave me $50.00 with instructions (and
when she talks - Meme listens ..........)
to buy my self something
she knew that I had not been
out for over 9 months
to shop beyond groceries
as I was
always with dear papa...
so sister in law and I did a putter shop
and brother followed us-so as not to lose one of us(grin)
I found a nice coat for dress up---
on sale for half price........
warm and a nice fit...
I wanted a longer coat but
this coat was the one that fit right
and suited my color and could be
worn with many outfits and colors-
and with Alberta weather will
pass all seasons-
it is black and white hounds-tooth
and it was $49. on sale
and suited my tiny frame
off to pay for the coat and the lady
said - where is your free coat
what -????
what free coat?
she says'' this sale is buy one- get one free
and she sent me back to the coats
I had already tried most of them
so I knew this could get difficult now
plus I did not want to go over the 50 dollars
as that was all I had ---
so I tried to find a coat- but no way
could I find one in size 9 that I thought
was a good fit....
but there was one coat in size 7
that I had not tried on
as the other coats in size 7
that I tried were too short in the arms
but I felt a nudge to try it on....
and yes, it fit just right and
was a good style again for me
and the color was my favorite papa purple
which a dark purple black
very close to his cancer purple
and it was longer-- almost to my knees
wow- wow
- and the price was 49 dollars too
what a great blessing!!!!!!
before papa died we shopped together
and I always got his opinion- and he
was quite good about telling me what not to wear--
he could see better re fit and colors for me
and most often was right...
this was the first coat I had bought
all by myself and
when I felt the nudge to try on that coat
I wondered why--
and then later I realized that God
gave that nudge......to me as
He was saying me
that He would take care of me now
the coat did not come from papa hubby
as my Bible tells me
that the our loved one
who followed Him
are with God and
they do not see us here
that is why there are no tears in heaven -
papa hubby took care of me when he was here
and that was part of his ministry as husband--
but my Bible does say that
God will take care me- He is
here for me now as husband...
Papa hubby's earthly job done....
I cannot explain what these coats meant to me
I have never had a dress up coat before
lots of winter coats and jackets
lots of thrift store specials and after season sales
and these coats were blessings too--but
it has always been one of my hearts desires
to have a nice coat for church etc.
I do believe that God gave me the nudge
to tell me that papa hubby is ok and that I am ok too
as I continue to grieve I can grieve with peace
while
wearing a warm coat
either long or short---
2 dress up coats - that fit and that
will remind of how good God is-
and He will take care of me-------
as I
remember that dear papa hubby
was a good and kind husband
**************
the other blessing
is that these coats do not fit
Miss Ashley -LOL
so they will not be going to a hockey game(wink)
****************
hugs from Meme who can now play dress up
Thank- you, Lord

the rest of the story -part two

2009-03-26T20:56:00.002-06:00

brother Bill drove to the rescue and I made my escape

we went back to the house and had a good day

remembering when we were kids

he remembers more than I do

we are 18 months apart and the only kids

raised on the farm so we did have

some good memories to rake over

had a nice comfort supper

of roast chicken and mashed potatoes-

carrots and gravy and buns

then we sat around watch tv

and watching brother Bill snooze

we all had a good time

and even went to bed early for me

sleep is so good and healing

and before I forget

the one test was completed and

she told that the good news

I do not asthma

or panic attacks

or heart chest pains but
the pain is

the muscle below

my throat has narrowed

and is opening in-correctly and

this is the reason the

food goes slow

and the air is not sufficient at times

and she reminded me

again what not to eat

and especially now

corn- lettuce

peanuts - certain seeds

and so on and told me to be floppy
let my body go into relaxation
and at bad times to get and walk around
rather than laying down -
I cannot say the way she said floppy as
she as an accent but it was funny
go floppy
and also keep my mouth shut
especially out side--LOL

because food can be come stuck

there and cause infection

which could be a serious

problem- sigh

but I am happy with the answers

to part of my problems

and she said the doctor will decide

what is best to do---

she was an intern trying

to do a job for 2 doctors

so I understand how she did or did not

manage to finish the tests- sigh

this is a problem we have in Canada

no beds- not enough staffing

etc etc and that is why

patients like me no longer

can have these tests done in the hospital

correctly--

pray for our medical folks etc-

our politicians just voted to

give themselves a 25 percent raise

but there is no money to fun health care
I think everything turned out ok
considering the circumstances
and I know God was there with me
I look back laugh because it has funny moments
especially me running out of there
at a fast Meme walk
and tomorrow I will share my coat blessing
that happened while I was in the big city
Meme hugs

the tale of two Memes-part 1

2009-03-25T22:45:00.003-06:00

I will now share my going ''to the big city'' outing
brother Bill came for me early which was
ok as I was ready
we had good traveling highways and
we made good time
and he took
over to his house first and he and
his wife made me at home while we waited
for the time
to leave for the appointment
brother got me to the hospital on time
I found my way down 3 flights to the 4th level
and then found my place of waiting
not a long wait- and I was in ------
and suddenly sitting in a chair with
a stick up my nose that had freezing gel on
the end of it-
these are the names of the tests
1.-- esophageal motility study test
2.-- 24 hour pH monitoring
both of which require having a hose stuck up
the nose and then down into the tummy
first step of the game was to shove a stick
up my nose to freeze it ........
and then the first test
a hose circumfering a set of wires
hooked to a computer
a thicker hose that I expected
and not soft and very flexible
away we go-
pain - beyond description
up through eye into head
down into the ear - and side of face
and
the hose goes up and down into the tummy
you swallow the thing inch by inch
and then it stopped- the hose - that is
it would not go where it needed to go
so somehow a simple five minute (the doctor said it was simple)
test turned into a 30 minute test
the pain was so bad that I did not have
a mind to think- first time I have been
completely speechless or thoughtless
the next half hour consisted of
swallow- don't swallow-- and then swallow
sigh- and long lasting pain did not go away
a pain-I did not know
that we as humans
could hurt that bad........
ok- that is test number one done
we go to number two
however this hose too does not go far enough
down into my tummy
so I ask her if my Hiatus hernia could be
the problem--
well - yes- it could but she does not know
about the hernia--
Meme says- well I thought the doctor who wrote
the letter would say-something
in one word at a time as it is bad thing to
talk with a hose in your nose-
oops- let us read the letter together
while I sit with the hose moving my whole brain
into a new dimension------
there it is - in black and white
hiatus hernia
sigh- this test has to be stopped--sigh
there is only one thing worse than
having a hose shoved up your nose
and that is having it pulled out ------of your nose
so the test could not be done
--sigh---
I was suppose to wear the hose for
24 hours attached to a little machine
that is attached to my pants- while
the hose stays up my nose and in my tummy
and go home and have a normal day-
(hahahahahaha)
it records data of what my tummy is doing
yes--I was so happy to leave there with no hose
and machine- .......
that I was able to say thank you for
shoving that hose my nose--LOL
and I mentioned that my nose was
getting numb and my friendly hos-er
said --oh- we ( I only saw one of her
but she said we
"" forgot to wait for the freezing
to take hold- some people take longer ''
- I
took my nose and
I ran out there and I did not look back--
-----------------------
I am LOL now but not then -
I will continue the rest the story later
like tomorrow --
every things goes up hill after this--
a good up hill,,,,
and I received many blessings
after the hosing-
hugs from Meme

a picture of Meme lost and found ........

2009-03-23T15:37:00.003-06:00

This is Meme before papa's cancer and a bad hair day and I found this in Miss Ashley's camera- I am sure that I was silly enough to allow her to take it with hopes that she would delete it--LOL- I can hear myself saying ''ASHLEY!!!''
Papa's sheds in the background and some of his stuff
as he was cleaning out that day- I can almost see him out there as it was his favorite pass time to be outside- the planters are the ones we used to plant the plastic flowers for him to look out the window last spring- they helped brighten his days-----
the good news that dress is gone!!! - not often Meme is in a dress now-
-that is it for now as I am going away for 3 days - to my brothers in the big city to have medical tests done re tummy
I will be back on Thursday and I fixed the comments back to non moderation- Meme has no idea how many times she can and will goof here with settings--
hugs from Canada

I could have blogged....

2009-03-23T14:38:00.004-06:00

all day yesterday about papa hubby
my heart was so filled with memories
but it was not a sad day
just day of remembering the
way he was
some day I will share some of his testimony
as cancer was the not only battle he fought
in his life.........
he became a hero of the faith
in 1987 and he knew the joy
of becoming a new man in Christ
I found a picture or two of him
hiding in the computer--LOL
I will share them with you as time goes by,,
although his death is my loss
it is his gain.....
he had this saying before he died
while he was still able to have the
energy to speak more than a word or two
WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH-
THE TOUGH GET ICECREAM
and he did- he loved his ice-cream
(he needed something to help swallow his pills)
and woe to a nurse who tried to use
yogurt instead--
he was a quiet man but he let anyone
know that he was not eating yogurt
ever---never
so he had a standing order of ice-cream
-he did not ask for much very often
so if he asked his doctor for anything
the doctor would insist that it was an''order'.
hugs from Meme and off you go-
for ice-cream

picture of poppy hubby

2009-03-22T15:10:00.002-06:00

I could not sleep last night due to ''restless me''
so turned on the computer and was playing
at another site
and I found some of my pictures
I still do not know how to put them
in to the post blog as I write here now
but I did get to put a picture of
dear papa that was taking before cancer
I have wanted to share him
I have some others too but not sure if should
add them to the blog or try to fit them
into a post
so look to your left and you see my poppy
doing what he loved
- on a Seniors outing
I will share some others-later
but today I just wanted you to see
the other half of me
hugs from Meme

In a Special Land

2009-03-21T19:18:00.002-06:00

it is 8 months ago today since papa hubby went away
I have made it through 2 seasons of the year
and although my heart is missing a piece of me
I can now have good moments and days
where I can remember him with out tears
it is a strange feeling to have a part of you
gone and know that you can not ask for it back.
I am now a widow who hangs out with the other widows
at our church and we laugh and we cry and we miss
our best friends--
we manage to learn new things and
we ask each other how to do things
and we survive in spite of ourselves.
------while spring cleaning today--
I found this poem that arrived here
before papa hubby went home ---
it is what he would say if he were here
for but a moment --
---
IN A SPECIAL LAND
If I could sit beside you
I would gently hold your hand.
I'd comfort you and tell you of a
a very special land.
A land with joy and laughter where
the angels fill the air;
a land of such great beauty that
the earth cannot compare.
I know in all your sorrow how
you wish me back with you,
though I with life beyond your thoughts
can give you just a view.
So do not put your trust in men
for mortals cannot save.
But put your hope in Jesus Christ
the victor of the grave.
Then whether it is days or years
until I hold your hand---
take comfort, for the Lord and I
are in a special land--( by Carla Muir)
--
missing papa hubby and trusting in the Lord
with hugs from Meme

I heard the birds.....

2009-03-18T17:17:00.000-06:00
it is not feeling much like spring here
if we look or feel the weather
but I heard the birds yesterday
and today
they are bravely coming back
to Alberta- the province of sunshine
they are a little late this year
I remember how the robins
came last year early
and entertained papa hubby
as he sat in his chair
they were a reminder to us
that cancer cannot take away
your hope......
even though papa hubby
was not healed
he kept his hope in the Lord
and I know that the Lord
kept His promise to papa..
I will miss papa hubby this spring
and I will keep my hope.......
hugs from Meme

pocket stories

2009-03-17T19:25:00.003-06:00

Pocket stories is another blog

that I am working on where I am

putting some of my writing

that I did before papa hubby got sick

they are lessons of life

that the Lord has taught

me since I became a Christian

in 1987

some stories are new

you may notice papa mentioned

in some of the old.....

I used to write more before cancer

as an encouragement to other woman

you are welcome to read

it will take me some time

to transfer stories over

so it may not be a busy blog

God has taught me many lessons

and these are but a tiny sharing

and He is still teaching me

as I live my life for Him

papa hubby was my greatest fan

and loved to sit and watch me write

it was one of the things he said

he was looking forward when he

came home from the hospital

the first time

I quit my writings for a long time

but I feel it is time to share

and write again

feel free to read them or

free to not read

this is just a reminder that

they are there

you may share any you want too

I just ask that you leave my name

attached -

sometimes they will say copy write on them

but I feel they belong to the Lord

so nothing will happen if you

forget who the author is

(wink)

and hugs and here is the link
http://pocketstoriesfromeme.blogspot.com/

Pocket Stories
Little stories of life that have a message-fact and/or fiction- lessons of growth that God has blessed me with-the Lord teaches US each day as He blesses us in all things-lessons gifts to help us follow the Shepherd- please feel free to share but leave my name with the story- God bless everyone!! A pocket story is a short story- small enough to carry in our hearts and big enough to use again and again.
huggles Meme

thinking out loud---

2009-03-16T22:01:00.002-06:00

it is quiet here right now
as the grand gal is working
went out this week end
to a kidlet birthday party
I found it over whelming with out papa
as a side kick
the kids were great and it was
nice to go
it is relatives belonging to
Miss Ashley-
they are kind and allow me to share
their life and kids too but
with broken marriages and
a lot of steps.......
Miss Ashley has a lot of relatives
but she has a hard time
feeling that she belongs-
I was so blessed one day as I saw
an old friend and she asked about
Ashley - who was with me ----
but the lady did not know she was so grown up now
and out of the blue she just said to Ashes
''I remember how you came and went
every where with your papa when
you were little
and I know how much he wanted you
from the day you were born--''
oh- how Ashley needed to hear that
broken homes and steps and confusion-
she has always had the
daisy love- they love me- they love me not-sigh
and to know that she was wanted by her papa
of course. we always told her that
many times but
to hear it from someone she did not know
I pray for all the babies- big and little
that have to live broken lives
that some one will tell them how much they
are wanted from the day they were born
I am so glad the Lord gave her life
and we were able to be in her life
I pray for her-
she misses her papa
but holds her cards close to her heart
pray for her family -
hugs from Meme

Meme is off ......and foolish too

2009-03-15T21:32:00.001-06:00

having a sick day here but I did do the dishes
and also 2 loads of laundry- one in the dryer but not feeling up to going out to get it now-
my dryer is in the cold old porch
happy sigh--though as I remember the days of no dryer
= I am camping out in my bed -
with some tv and reading
I be back
and oh yes-
Meme must confess being foolish-
there is big fire down town about 5 blocks away
and I walked down to see what is ....
-the one side of the street is burning
and all old connected buildings- so we are losing some of our history
but I should not have gone out
as it is below freezing here
and I am sick and
also the smoke set my cough off-
some times Meme gets into foolish things
and this was one of them-
when I hear about the fire damage
I will let you know
pray for our town and Meme
hugs from Meme

your gray hair is showing....

2009-03-11T21:48:00.002-06:00

when Miss Ashley was sick and I took her to the doctor
she needed a prescription which meant we had to stop
at the drugstore
we were told we had about a 20 minute wait
which meant to me 20 minutes of wandering or is
that wondering?-
really for me it was both
as we had time to walk around and I
had no idea how much the prescription would
cost
and to Miss Ashley it meant
20 minutes of shopping
now she is a needy needy hinter
hmm- I need new eye liner
or shampoo or/and
cheezies for dinner or
you know the story
of needy grand girls....especially
in a store where make up
is sold-- but
alas Meme is past the stage of falling for hints
so we were both just wandering/wondering
the isles
window shopping and we went past the
hair dye and I hear the voice behind me say
''Oma, we need hair dye
Your gray hair is showing''!!!
now Miss Ashley is difficult to dis-own
and I had to be the only Oma in the store
that day-
I tried not to laugh -- but it was the serious
tone of her voice that made me crack...
alas- Meme was not ready to hide her silver that
is hidden , I hope and pretend
among her gold. --
I will but another day
like a pay day that does not require prescriptions =
and
I got off blessed that day as we only got
one pretty pink hairbrush re breast cancer
and the prescription
I think I may have bought the hairbrush
out of guilt of trying to pretend I did not
know her--LOL
huggles from Meme
************

brrrrrrrrr-

2009-03-09T23:20:00.002-06:00

it is a cold winter night here in Alberta
about minus 30 with a light wind
nights like this I miss papa hubby
I never feel quite safe on a cold night
with the furnace running off and on
so often
I remember mama sitting up all night
on cold winter nights as we only
have the wood kitchen stove and the
little wood stove in the living room
no stoves in the bed rooms
she sat up to keep the fires burning
and there was also the need to
watch for chimney fires
we never froze but there would
be lots of frost on the windows
time change too which means I
am still awake but really should
be in bed........it takes me about
a week to get back in gear
it makes no difference
to farming as farmers
go by the dew on the grass
as soon as it started drying
was when daddy went to the fields
but it is the way it is- so
I have to reset my mind and body
have a good week---
reach out and hug some one
freezing hugs from Meme

and the new letter is............

2009-03-08T20:48:00.001-06:00

and the new letter is,,,,,,,,,,
it is time to talk about the letter F-
my first F is for my/our heavenly Father who loved us so much that He gave his only son that we might have eternal life if we believe--
- freedom to believe with out the fear of death in our country-
forever is what eternal life is= no end
-frogs- papa hubby had a small stuffed frog with him in the hospital and it was so colorful and the nurses would ask him and he could tell them that frog means to FULLY RELY ON GOD
-figs- I love figs and could eat them all day - daddy used to buy us figs as a treat when he could---
-fields that grow our crops that give us so many healthy foods and even our daily bread.
-friends- what a wonderful thing it is to have a friend- and even unseen friends now because of the net- friends are blessings
--family ---we all need family- some one to call our own-
-fiddles- they make such wonderful music and I remember when I was a kid and we always had some one to play the fiddle to cheer the evening on-
-first= there are so many firsts in our life that give us joy- right now I am living through many firsts that bring me joy in my sorrow- and sorrow in my joy and yet- they are all blessings to me
-forgiveness which we all need and we all must give-
-fun - we can have fun too in our sorrow and our joy=l
-there are so many F blessings that I have ran out of time and room to list them-
- take time today to thank our Father who is in heaven who has blessed us-
-take time to fellowship with friends and family and forgive those who have bothered you and free them from your bitterness .
have a faultless week and remember that in Him you can be forgiven
friendly hugs from Meme

Happy Birthday, Miss Ashley

2009-03-07T19:23:00.002-07:00

today Miss Ashley turned 19
what a wonderful day as I
remember her birth day
it was much warmer than our day
was here today--
and we were so excited
we were allowed to go into
the birth room with her mommy
they set it up for papa hubby to be there
very private for mom and yet he could
be there
to see what God had done
**papa hubby went home with the angels
in the same room
that Tammy, (mommy)
labored to give birth to
Miss Ashley
she had a easy labour and we
were able to be with her from
the beginning to the end==
papa was a better coach than Oma
Oma was a basket case--LOL
Ashley was a wonder baby
and lived at our house for 5 years
and returned to us last spring
when papa hubby was so sick
she was wonderful to him
and was a gentle nurse grand-daughter
she could hear better than me
during the night and would be
flying by Oma like an angel
if she heard an odd sound
from Papa's room
today is bittersweet
and we both had a smile and a tear
about papa hubby not being here
this year - I found her some gifts
but it was harder shopping alone
as papa always had good imput
and was more willing to over-spend(wink)
Happy Birthday, Miss Ashley
- hugs from Oma aka Meme

cold feet---

2009-03-05T22:46:00.001-07:00
brrrrrrrrrrrrr- it is cold outside
we got our snow storm
with wind and snow and cold
walked down to the church
and some of the drifts were higher than my boots
and my boots are high-
and heavy but warm
papa hubby insisted that I get these boots
before he went to the hospital the first time
he was worried about me having to walk
although he would never have let me
walk any where and never in this
kind of weather
but he knew best in his heart..........
it is a blessing that God laid the boots
on his heart as we did not even know
of the cancer the day I bought them
I bought them to keep his heart happy
and now they keep my feet warm
I have getting tough now as the cold
does not bother me much
I just bundle up and head out
I am looking forward to spring
coming this year as it has been
a long cold winter
but the same God who sent the snow
will melt the snow for our summer crops
Meme is off to find her hot rice socks
to warm her feet
warm hugs

why ''papa''?

2009-03-03T19:11:00.002-07:00

so many have asked me why I call my dear husband ''papa''
and or papa hubby (David)
it started over 20 years ago at the birth of our first grandchild
we are not even sure who started the name but
the name soon fit.......papa
and then when
our one grand-daughter lived here from birth
until the age of 5 we all, referred to him as Papa
in our everyday talking,,,,.......
when papa David was on his cancer journey
I spent most of my time with him
and also he was used to me calling him
papa- as the grand-kids were often here
I had my own pet name for him which was
POPPY
but now that he is gone I want to keep that
POPPY
for me and him- as it was our special name
but now back to rest of the story
when papa needed help to get up and down
(he could not lift himself out of his chair)
I would direct him where to hang on to me
(he asked me to tell him so that he did not hurt me)
and one day I said ''David, put your arm around me''
and he said- please, call me papa = because I like the way
you say it as I can hear the love in your voice and then I
don't feel like you are my nurse- then I feel like you are
my wife.''--
I never called him David again except to the nurses
as this was so important to him to be called ''papa or 'POPPY
he did not want his family to call him
anything else although he let his brother call him
brother David--LOL
and he always would stop the nurses and ask them
to call him David rather than mister piesse (pro-
nounced peace)
the cancer and the chemo and the medicines
took so much of him away and
he had so little control of what was
happening in his life to him and around him
that I was happy to see him tell us
what he wanted to be called by=
so for me now he will always be ''papa David'' or
''papa hubby-""
---and in my heart POPPY
- and that is our story
hugs from Meme

Monday Monday

2009-03-02T18:06:00.001-07:00

Meme had a moment and posted this on the wrong blog and now I do not have the heart to move it--LOL
so here is where I should be
------------------------------------------------------------------

a new month and a new week
and spring is coming
today was a good weather day
but weather man is teasing us
about snow tomorrow-
papa hubby went home on a Monday
but I still enjoy Mondays- he was a monday
kind of guy.........we never had a blue Monday
I like every day of the week and
I am thankful we have 7 days to enjoy
some thing new every day
today was bill paying day and I
had enough to keep the house
going one more month and then
I trust the Lord for the next month-
today is our robyn's 14th birthday
and I can remember what we were doing
the day she was born
waiting with her dad who was waiting
for her to come join us as a family member
she was cute as a button and still is
made her a nice dinner yesterday and all she
wanted was her mashed potatoes- she lives
for mashed potatoes- yes, her dad is Irish
and yes, I let her eat mashed potatoes to her
hearts content........it is her first birthday with
out her papa so she is feeling some blues
she wanted to know how papa will know her (?)
but Miss Ashley told her that papa will still know
her when she leaves this earth as a wrinked old lady
some times kids word things just a way that
makes you want to laugh-- sigh-
It is hard for the kids to understand
change as they want
papa to know them
we forget that kids see things differently
at times than we do.....
_________________
update on Jordan- the man posed as a policeman
with flashing blue lights and a uniform and a gun
and now we are all stunned that this
could happen in our little town - and area
we continue to pray for her
huggles from Meme is going to make a left over supper
-------------------

eeks-- it is letter time again.....

2009-02-27T21:56:00.000-07:00

EEKS-- IT IS LETTER TIME AGAIN AND TODAY UNDER THE E
eggs- one of the neatest foods around- there are whole cook books dedicated to eggs- we can eat them any time of the day and we can bake almost anything if we add an egg I like eggs and as kids we had them many times because all farms in our area had chickens-
E is for everyone who travelled the cancer journey with papa and me- we could not have done it alone and now E is for everyone who is walking with me as a widow- I could not walk alone- you reached out and touched our hearts-
E is for emails including comments on my blog- these notes are a blessing each day- I am a true email grannie
E is for echos- which is what grannies do when they repeat themselves- Miss Ashley says that I am echoing again-
E is easy does it- daddy often told us kids that when it was time to settle down - I don't remember him ever yelling at us--easy does it
wow- I am not into a lot of E- but my favorite eee word would be ''EATING''- oatmeal raisin cookies - almost a balanced meal
which reminds me that papa used to say that a balanced meal is a cookie in each hand- he always took 2 cookies- never just one and never more than two--
good night and have an electric sleep -
e-huggles from Meme
HUGGLES FROM MEME

flowers for papa

2009-02-26T23:59:00.002-07:00

spring comes late here or at least nights with no frost
we generally plant our gardens after May 15
last year as papa hubby got weaker and
finally he could only walk out
on to the balcony
I wanted to brighten the corner where he was
but it was too early for bedding plants
and I did not have time to go anywhere
to find bedding plants already in flower
nor could I even bring the planters in at night
to keep them from freezing
and I could not leave dear papa alone
so I could walk to our local stores
so I decided to do plastic flowers and
got a ride to our local dollar store and
Miss Ashley stayed home with papa
and I bought flowers in many colors
and Ashley got the scissors and
we planted the flowers for papa
he loved them- we had every color of the rainbow
and we were able to fill our planters
with joyful plastic flowers
this was one of our miracles
that God blessed us with----
the flowers are still there in the planters
and we have been blessed
with colors all winter long
-I remember the day our doctor cried
because I wanted to take papa on a trip
not long, not far but some where
and the doctor said
take him to his balcony and
let him hear the birds sing
bring the grass to him
and let him feel the earth one more time
and then the doctor
told us how sorry he was not to be
able to help papa go past our balcony
thank God for plastic flowers
and then God sent us two birds
papa made a lot of birdhouses
and feeders but for the first
time a mama bird came and made
a nest in one of papa's houses
and we would sit very quiet
as she bird and he bird
would sing love songs to each other
and the grass grew green
it was wonderful taking
trips out to the balcony with papa
it was a wonderful spring
filled with
blessings and miracles
hugs from Meme

lent and me

2009-02-26T13:39:00.001-07:00
we never did lent at the churches I attended and it
is still hard for me to understand
I did decide to give up chocolate
but some how this seemed rather a semi choice
as I cannot eat chocolate often due
to my h.hernia and ulcers
so I just did not think this was
really a lent choice that was a gift to the Lord
but last night I was
looking through my books to find
somethiing to ponder on
and I found my book
on 40 days to a more grateful heart
and I knew that was what God wanted from me
so although I will stick with the chocolate
I am going to do this book as it is also
a study book
I will share some things now and then
that the Lord is teaching me
one thing that grief and depression takes from us
is our grateful hearts as we tend
to focus on what we lost rather than what
is happening day to day now
I know longer think of papa hubby as someone I lost
as I know where he is..
yes, I miss him and yes, my grief remains
but now I want to find the joy that
is in my sorrow
I will share as often as I can

Hugs and Blessings,
from
Meme aka Oma (papa's wife)

winning wednesday

2009-02-25T23:34:00.002-07:00

at our local grocery store they have one day a month that they call WINNING WEDNESDAY and I thought what a way to have our Wednesdays
so this is my winning Wednesday :quite cold and snowy -- but the wind was not to brutal and the sun was shining so that helped to make it a bright and a merry weather day-
took Miss Ashley to the doctor as she has had the fever and the cough for 3 days and even though she is 18 Meme felt the doctor would know best--
she has infection in her bronchial tubes and the beginning of bronchitis ( bad spelling) so she has medicine to take- the good news is he gave us a prescription that we could afford- it is an old stand by which has worked for years before they came out with the new meds- our budget is not ready for sick days
but I am so glad I took her- please pray for her -- the doctor also checked out Meme and I have plursey (bad spelling again) and he put me on the medicine too - he said we share the same house and same germs--
did the church chores and walked both ways so I had my walk today-- we did not do a lot today as Miss Ashley was feeling so off the chart- have a wonder night and I shall go play nurse good night and God bless you- and hugs from Meme who has a Miss Ashley tale to write soon- I think I should write a book called the ''things that Miss Ashley does and or says--
-------
a manna thought: God's kindness is ever around you, always ready to freely impart strength to your faltering spirit, and cheer to your lonely heart-(author unknown)
huggles from Meme

Monday Monday

2009-02-23T22:20:00.002-07:00

a new week and a cold day with some snow
it is the wind that sneaks the cold into this old house
I was thinking of all the lovely comments and friends
that I have made here in blogland
it is healing for me to write and a blessing to receive
comfort and prayers
there are many things in this life
that we do not understand...
but we can trust
God's love and will
you are each a flower in God's garden
and you have made my life sweeter
I like to follow blogs.....and
although I can only peek in
about once a week
I always find blessings to read
because each of you
add a little sunshine-
happy blogging
and huggles from Meme

the last kiss....a joy in sorrow

2009-02-22T22:20:00.003-07:00

I was sitting here remembering our last kiss- papa hubby was very weak and quiet but would move his head slightly when I spoke- I let him rest in the morning as I knew his strength was gone-he was not in pain and his breathing was quiet and he did not have to struggle......he spoke no words except with his hand---we were both weary as I had stayed with him all night and God gave me the desire of my heart to be with him when he left this world...
God gave David Papa the desires of his heart also
when he knew that the cancer was terminal and that his miracle would be going home to his Lord = he said that he just wanted to be here and then not be here - just a quiet exit-he was a very quiet man .....and left us at 1:15 in the afternoon with his favorite cooking show on the food channel- after the cancer took his strength and some of his thinking he fell in love with the food channel - he said it was easy for him to watch someone cooking and just one person talking- this is a funny side story to his journey but before he had to go to hospital for his last time he had the tv on for 2 weeks straight and on the cooking channel- he would doze off and wake up and it was a comfort for him- one time the grand kids thought he was sleeping and switched channels- he opened his eyes and told them to put the tv back his Iron Chef- we all laughed as there was not way papa was giving up his cooking--I slept on the couch and learned that I can sleep with the tv on--we were in the same room as I set out living room up as a hospice so he could remain home a long as possible-
we had the whole morning to ourselves other than the doctor coming in once and a nurse came to at noon help me put drops in his eyes as they were so dry
I was going to run home and change and come right back so I gave him his kiss and told where I was going-
he could not move much except for his checks would pucker in when I kissed him- just a tiny pucker but I knew he was kissing me too
I got ready to leave and then went back to kiss him again but there was no pucker because the angels came while I was putting on my coat
he had a precious peaceful death and I remember how happy he looked
he just looked like all the cares of this world have been lifted of his shoulders which of course -is it what happened- Jesus took his burdens
Miss Ashley told me the other that she does not miss papa all the time now because she knows where he is.......and that she knows that some day she will see her papa again-
she is glad that we spent the last morning alone but together - she is a brave girl and I know that the Lord is her comfort because her papa meant everything to her- they were special friends --
I know that God gave us those last hours together just to hold hands and say '' see you later, friend- we never said good-bye because we did not feel his death was an ending----------but a beginning for both us.
when I see papa hubby again - he will be walking, and talking, and seeing, and hearing, and although there is no marriage in heaven I know that he will be waiting for me at the Eastern gate.
he knew that he was loved and I knew that I was loved and really that is all anyone needs to know......
I know where he is........
sometimes I have good moments now- I see in him in pictures in my mind...but some times it is hard to hear his voice but I can remember the words he said.....
I can hear him tell me'''that every thing is going to be alright-"" and I am starting to believe that in the grief ''every thing is going to be alright.
huggles from Meme

I finished the corner.......:-)

2009-02-19T20:07:00.001-07:00
I finished dear papa hubby's corner today- dusted and cleaned -sorted and tossed- kept and gave--it is nice to be done- this was his corner and I did not go there.........
it was his little corner of his world- and he kept it as he wanted.....
I think everyone should have a little special part of the home that is just their space -he cleaned out every Christmas day-
but in 2007 he was already in the hospital and had no strength to do it when he came home 51 days later and in 2008 he was gone with the angels-
so it was memories covered in dust
I fixed the top shelf in memory of him and some of his special things - and then his keeper books are the second-
and now I will just use the other shelves for this and that of his and mine-
Miss Ashley says that it looks nice and papa would have approved- this was the hardest area because it was so personal-
as Ashley said'' he has lots of corners in heaven and has no need of a personal space here now-and because he was such a social fellow I sure he is busy singing with the angels -
I feel much better- being all done.......and we (the gal and I) both decided that we will dust it every Christmas day as a memory of tradition-
huggles - from Meme

sharing simple treasures

2009-02-18T22:35:00.002-07:00
I am sharing this both blogs tonight because life is really about the little treasures that come to us-
*******************************

because I am in a place where I have to make decisions about the things of papa hubby's I am noticing that it is the simple things he had that I find are treasures- what was his was mine and what was mine was his but we all some things that are just a part who we are--

here is a small list..
1. his small plainer ( hope that is correct spelling) that he used when he was making the diamond willow walking sticks and canes-- it is now a paper weight-( he made the canes and sticks and sold them at the farmer's market)

2. his belt buckle that he bought shortly after accepting Christ as Lord in his life- it says - Praise the Lord

3. he had 2 soup mugs that he used in the last months at home as they were easier for him to use- and he loved chicken noodle soup for breakfast and dinner and supper- he called it his ''special''-

4. a small dog blanket that he bought for Dogman but we used it to put under his arm that had the pic-line in - Dogman had no problem sharing -

His pic- pockets that the chemo nurses gave- they covered the pic-line when it was not being used for chemo and helped keep the ports from poking his arm-

twin hammers- he found these short hammers at the hard-ward and bought one for me and one for him - for just using in the house- a hammer for mama and one for papa too
his little bottle of opal that he kept with water in it and loved to show the colors to his friends-

His special cane that he made for himself - and used so much on his cancer journey-

his special forks- he was ocd about his forks- he just loved to use them and we did have 6 so we were able to keep him fed- they have a shorter handle than a normal fork -

his bent spoons- when ever we had soup( before cancer) he always would bend the spoon so we have a lot of spoons with bends in them as he would bend it back to normal when supper was over- and no - it was that the soup was like cement--LOL-

and his stuffed frog that he kept with at the hospital because when the nurses woud ask him about the frog he could tell them that it stood for ''FULLY RELY ON GOD -sometimes he got the word rely mixed with relax or reach but it was a seed planter no matter what word he used- I have to admit that the frog is ugly but he fit papa's personality....

-- these are some of the things of papa- there of course is so much more and I will share with kids etc but these odds and ends will remain with me-
hugs from Meme

Missionary grandma

2009-02-17T23:12:00.003-07:00

Just about the time a woman thinks her work is done, she becomes grandmother
I am a grandmother raising Miss Ashley
I had the honor of watching her born
the hospital room that her mother labored in--
is the room her dear papa was in - when the angels came
life and death in a room
papa hubby recorded her heart beat before her birth
we found the tape which is now nearly 19 years old
but we are worried about using it with out getting
some way to record again at the same time just
in case the tape breaks- from age-
Miss Ashley is in love.......engaged to the boy
who is a friend and will have her wedding day in 2010
on papa hubby and my anniversary date
this is such an honor to me and the memory of papa
papa would be going to the moon with joy
and he would take me with him-LOL
she lives with me as that is the way it has to be
the issues of why are too complex to share
I am old and tired but I also know that our/mine
mission is to teach this child/woman to be
a woman of God
she is learning..........
I think all grandmas are missionaries
there is so much in this world that is already
teaching our next generations that bad is good
that we must stand with our grandchildren......
how things turn out is in God's hands and I
am glad He is using me to touch one life
--------------
huggles from Meme who maybe feels older than she is--(grin)

PAPA'S NOTE BOOK

2009-02-16T21:57:00.002-07:00

I have started to clean out papa's corner= he had a space by his chair which was a book case but he kept many odds and ends there
it is growing too many dust bunnies now and it is time clear and clean
his area and renew the space -
it was always his space and for some reason he only cleaned it out on
Christmas day--LOL- because he used the area often, the dust did not have time to grow there..........
I found one of his notebooks where he had written down all the words that Jesus spoke- he had the verses etc- from Matthew, Mark, Luke and John- he dated the pages as he copied them and it was precious to see how much time he spent copying out the spoken words of Jesus-
He did not read well so this was an adventure of love for him to do-
- He now can hear the words spoken by Jesus and so I will tuck his dear note book in the garage for now- I find that some memories I must pack away but I was blessed to night to see this one......note book of love..
I am going to pack up a lot of his things for now and store them away until I can make practical decisions- I will keep a few things out but I do not think it is good for me to hang on to his things of this world......
He was a precious gentle-men.
huggles from Meme

2009-02-16T20:46:00.002-07:00
SOMEONE SENT ME THIS POEM TODAY AND I THINK I WILL POST IT HERE TO BLESS EACH OF YOU--

Jesus Is My Everything
He is my Song that I sing
He is the Joy that a new day brings
He is my Strength when I am weak
He is my Voice when I speak
He is my Friend when I need a hug
He is my Lover, when I need real love
He is the Lawyer who pleads my case
He is the only Righteous Judge who forgives me,
then all me sins He erases
He is the Doctor who heals my wounds
He is my Redeemer, and He's coming back soon
He is my Comforter when I'm feeling down
He is my Angel that is ever-present,
always around
He is my Provider always supplying
when I need help
He is my Water, my Bread,
stored up on the shelf
He is my Teacher,
who shows me what to do
He is my Encourager,
when I really don't want to do..
He is that Fire burning deep down in my soul
He is my Fortune-teller,
for in His hands,
my future He holds
He is the Repairman who comes to fix my stuff
He is the Everlasting Father,
who is more than enough
He is the Prince of Peace, yes a Peacemaker is He
He is my Eyes, my Light, my Pathway,
when I can't see
He is my Mighty Counselor when I need some advice
He is my Debt Consolidator,
for He paid the ultimate price
He is my Hope for tomorrow
He is my Everflowing Income,
so I don't have to beg, steal, nor borrow
He is the Mercy
which He renews for me everyday
He is my Truth, my Life, the Only Way
He is the Warden,
who unlocks the chains and sets me free
He is my Role Model,
for I always look up to Thee
He is the Author, the Finisher of my faith
He is the Patience
that always tells me to wait
Jesus is my Everything,
although with my natural eyes,
Him, I cannot see
Jesus is my Everything.
(Author Unknown)
HUGGLES AND BLESSINGS AND REMEMBER THAT JESUS LOVES YOU
HUGGLES FROM MEME

love soup--homemade

2009-02-15T18:13:00.003-07:00

the g' daughter is sick today- so what is a Meme to make for supper
I know that as a teen she does not eat the things that are really good for
her unless I do the cooking
she can cook but she is still heavy of the ''fat foods'' which even on a
good day can be bad for her
decided to make some homemade chicken soup but in a quick way as
my thoughts came too late to do the old fashioned kind
so here is the story which is a recipe of sorts
*******************************
2 small frozen chicken breasts- partly thawed in microwave- it is easier to cut partly frozen - then I cut into mini bites- and then just soaked for a few minutes in cold water- heat my favorite soup pot and add 1 (only one) tablespoon oil and as soon as the oil was hot - popped the drained chicken pieces in- it is good to drain first because the chicken browns faster and also no splash feed back-as a rule I would have used other chicken parts but this was what we had and today I was looking for near fat free
mean while I got carrots and celery ready and sliced on the mandolin( I think that is close to the spelling) and the name - makes the slices very thin-
as soon as the chicken was brown I added the veggies and let then brown just a tiny bit- kind of what Martha Stewart taught me--LOL
according to Miss Martha this gives the flavors added flavoring bonus ?? to the soup
then added 4 cups of water and also the chicken flavoring from the chicken noodle soup package_ (not the canned) I saved the noodles for another day as they would be mush while the veggies cooked-
sliced potatoes and added to the soup and just let simmer until all was done
no added salt but some pepper
you can really put anything you choose in the soup once you start the chicken- remember that onions are hard and gassier on a sick tummy
I could have added other veggies but wanted to stay with something plain and simple today-better for wayward tummies -
it was great and we both enjoyed the soup and there is leftovers for tomorrow - I may add the noodles tomorrow as I can cook them separate before I reheat the soup-
-----------
I made this soup often for papa hubby on his cancer journey as it was easy on his tummy and he loved it- salt was no longer an issue for him - so I made what ever he liked and could tolerate-
it also remind me of our home cooking on the farm- most of our meals were plain and simple-
I pray the our younger generations will be able to learn to make meals that are healthy - economical and good- with the recession I see hard times coming for many who just do not know the simple ways to cook-
I noticed in our grocery store that it is cheaper to buy a whole cooked chicken than a whole frozen chicken- and I hardly ever seen a whole fresh chicken there-
Meme is off to do the dishes
huggles from me

missing valentine

2009-02-14T22:08:00.002-07:00

today was hard because papa hubby always got me a valentine
I do have some of them stored away
I bought a valentine card for him to put with his picture
it is so quiet here
and not a thing happening in town other than things that I do
not go too- or do.........
the love -birds have gone out-although male love bird is not too
popular because he forgot that today was valentines and his valentine
saw red--
I walked down and bought Miss Ashley some flowers- not real ones
due to our weather as they would have turned black-
but she was tickled pink to get my flowers
they have little faces on them- happy smiles
and are purple and blue
Dogman and I am now home alone sneaking snacks
sigh- but they have to be with no salt as he has a
kidney stone problem and very few can fall to the ground
it is not easy to sneak snacks with out his ears perking up
it reminded of papa and I -
some times we would eat our snacks behind closed doors
as our hearts hated to say ''no''
I am sure that there are times when it hurts
God to say ''no'' but he knows that it is a better answer
I know that He took papa hubby home because
it was the better answer
but I just don't feel the answer yet
huggs from Meme and Dogman wags

Meme's Mind Day...........

2009-02-10T20:36:00.001-07:00
I share the note below because I need to be fair with you and honest
that I am broken...........and now that I know that - I did not notice before perhaps
because I was trying not to be.....-- I am taking some
steps to recovery of my mind and heart and soul-
as a Christian- I felt it was wrong to be broken and
because of that I have been in hiding. my hurting spirit........it is not just the grief of losing papa hubby but also losing so
many of the family members who have on their own have decided to not allow me to stay in
their life due to my/our christian walk- this is not a new thing as that was how it was before the cancer, but when papa was on his cancer journey
they did all return to him - which was a blessing and I thought they would stay.........after his death=
thankfully at papa's sevice he had a salvation message at his request and the pastor did tell them that he was preaching a prayer of papa's-- John 3:16
I guess you could call this a forward to my note- hugs Meme
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I went out today for coffee with some lady friendsand then stopped at the seniors day at my church-it was nice and I did okI did become exhausted after 3 hours total in being out and did feel panic at the end of the time -this was a good thing for me - it did help me and my mindI came home and finally had to have a napI napped for a hour and now I am upmy am feeling rather sad but I am still glad I went out-it is very hard for me to go out with out either taking papa hubby or coming home to him- I need to do this more and I will try too as I am very lonely...so one small step for Meme
******************************************************************

it is all about '' D''...........

2009-02-09T20:07:00.002-07:00

it is time to talk about the letter ''d ''in my life...
of course- my first D would be for David - the number one D in my life-
as you know so much of my David Dee I won't repeat it in this blog note
because I feel like you already know him :-)
another D is Dogman - the dog who came to our house to say- he is 12 plus years now and still manage the household quite well--
D is for my two daughters - 40 and 36 who live close by and have blessed me with 6 grand kids- the daughter names are Bonita and Tammy
D would have to be for doughnuts which is one of my favorite meals- oops- I mean snacks---all the better if they are chocolate coated--but no sprinkles
not sure if there are any ''dee'' fruits but if there is I do not eat them but I can still use ''d'' for dinner- when I grew up dinner was at noon and then our evening meal was supper- there are some folks who have lunch at noon and then dinner at supper time- I still have dinner at noon..
''d''is for dime- when I was a kid we had dime savors from the back where we would save all the dimes we managed to beg off our grandpa or daddy-when had 5 dollars we took to the back and could our own savings account
oh and I remember the dixie cups that had ice cream in them- in the summer we could go to town with mom and dad and a dime would buy a dixie cup- we would sit on the side walk out side the little grocery store and eat - those were the days...
I cannot think anymore ''d'' in my life except to the ''days of my life that the Lord has blessed me with''
day by day He is the shepherd......
hugs from Meme

WALKING TODAY with CONCERN

2009-02-08T21:41:00.003-07:00

I am feeling better re cold which also helps me feel better emotionally
I spoke on msn to David's eldest daughter- age 48- for the first time since papa's service- we are not estranged but she has severe addiction problems which keeps her away- sigh- she started to cry and had to leave THE Computer but her youngest daughter talked to me- I told her/them how much papa did love them - she does not have access to the msn often but was using it at some one's house
I thought that was important for them to have that message in their hearts so that if the addictions get too strong she/they have some thing to cling too- I would not want them to die with out that knowledge and I do fear for their lives - sigh-
all of the step children have severe addictions and when they are on..........they do not talk to me until they decide to try and go off.........again but this is very hard for them unless they have rehab.......
I have told them all that they cannot come here until their addictions are under control 100% because when they are not under control these kids can be dangerous and this was also papa's rule-
they are all older- 50- 48 and 46
they do get angry at me part of the time because I will not take them in......
they live far enough away that they cannot just come over--.
it is so hard to have children - no matter what age living in such circumstances and the circumstances are terrible- the grand kids are in safe homes so do not live in the conditions but I fear that they saw too much as little ones..
I wanted to them to know that papa David prayed often for them and he loved unconditionally even if he had rules that he enforced-
I think it is important for children to know that they are loved and were loved-- they did not see their dad often due to the circumstances but they did communicate over the phone- and sometimes we had the police go find them on the streets so we knew if they were still alive- the police cannot tell where they are but were/are kind enough to say that they saw them and therefore there alive- sigh- this was hard for papa to do ---
my problem is at my age I have to be careful how far I let them enter my life due to the circumstances- and yet, keep the love of Jesus open in my heart and into their heart-
it is hard to even tell the stories but I tell you now because I need prayer warriors who will stand with me -
I will seldom update this blog note but I will tell you what miracles occur and also thank for praying
hugs from Meme

the missing piece

2009-02-06T20:42:00.002-07:00

today was a day with out a song in my heart
I so miss papa hubby
I am never sure why some days I have joy
and other days I don't even know what to say
he is gone, vanished and yet I need him here
I accept and I know and I feel the loss
and the pain creeps back in.....
and I want to ask why?
but I don't ..........
because there is no reason to the why....
that would fill this hole in my heart
so instead I ask .........that
my heart will not become bitter.
that my days will filled with...
purpose.....
that my strugglings will
become sweeter--
'''You, O God, do see trouble and grief;
you consider it to take it in hand.''''Psalm 10:14
hugs from Meme

my day is done--

2009-02-04T22:11:00.002-07:00

my head cold sent me to bed for most of the day and now my nose matches Rudolf-s nose- so I will share my blessings here and go back to bed where I am eating crackers--------
my red gloves that I use in bed at night after putting on a good hand lotion- I leave them on for about 20 minutes and I find that this is ''a good thing'' for my hands-- they are just normal dollar store gloves- sometimes I do my feet this way too and just use ordinary socks......
my Lord and Savior who is leading me through the storms followed with rainbows... in my life
my tea thermos- which keeps my tea hot while I do my computer- other wise I would drink the tea cold-I keep this off my desk but handy so that I do not have laptop tea...
a new month- February which has a nice day in the middle to remind us of loving each other- we know, enough from God's word to do this every day and it is nice to have a special day to share chocolates -
warmer weather here today- we were warmer here than Florida which is a real treat- funny how we consider a few degrees above freezing warm and another place considers that same few degrees cold...
Dogman - our dog- who does not report me for neglect when we/I forget to feed him ( I did forget until this afternoon but he was quick to forgive me)- and he is always willing to wait patiently to have his carrots peeled..
crackers to eat in my bed and the dust buster which then cleans the crumbs off the bed ------
my old house which has been a blessing to papa and I as we shared our life together as one- the roof does not leak - the walls protect us and it is a home filled with peace and joy and Miss Ashley's stuff mixed in with Oma's stuff-----
Miss Ashley who carries a burden to heavy for her age but is still willing to carry it...... for the sake of Oma
good cleaners to clean the pans that Miss Ashley burns when she cooks and a fan to recycle the smoke--LOL
good night to all- from Meme with gentle hugs

and under the ''c''......

2009-02-02T19:28:00.002-07:00
it is time to turn over another letter .......
and here is the ''c''....
the first 'c' for me is CHRIST CHILD- -- where would I be today if we/I had no Christ to believe in.......to lean on.....to follow.......to love.......to forgive us/me........ with out Christ in my life I would BE helpless....lost.....and hopeless but because of Christ I have hope and help and I am found...
another 'c' at our house is carrots-- not so much for me as for Dogman- he seems to think carrots are bought entirely for him - and yes, I wash them and peel them and cut them into nice little bites- he prefers raw over cooked but will gladly eat both-- so carrots are on the menu more nights than not..
a ''c'' for today is a cold as in a head cold - which means I talk funny and my nose is red and I should have took some stock in kleenex companies- this is day three so I should only have 4 days to go- I learned that if you go to a doctor with a cold it will last 7 days and if you do not go to a doctor- the cold will last a week.............
''c'' is for cinnamon which is one of my favorite smells and spices- I chew cinnamon gum and eat cinnamon candies and like cinnamon toast but I do not like cinnamon in my coffee and or tea
''c'' could be for coffee if I could drink it but I have a allergy to the ground coffee which is not good thing......so that is why I drink tea......
''c'' is for chocolate - except for hot chocolate- I love chocolate chocolate but lately chocolate does not love me- apparently it is not quite as good as it should be to me - it is not good to my inflamed stomach or h. hernia- sigh- which means I am off of chocolate for a time....
''c'' could be for comma or commas but I never remember to use them in writing or talking.......so I will have to omit ''c'' is for comma ...........
there are many more ''c'' blessings in my life but I think the cold has put my thinking on hold..
soon to be back and sending caring hugs, Meme

WEEPING TO WALKING

2009-02-01T00:29:00.003-07:00

I found a new name
for this blog and I
hope that you will be
blessed as I continue
my journey.
HUGGLES FROM MEME

New blog name tomorrow.......

2009-01-31T22:34:00.003-07:00

I feel strong enough to change my blog name now
It will still have widow in the title
as the Lord leads me on this path
of course, I cannot use the words
joyful
rejoicing or
merry
because they do not apply in the context
of being a widow although
I do have joy and I do rejoice and I can be merry
I know that papa would laugh out loud
at many of the things I say....
and some times do....do....
and I want to glory to go to the Lord
and also respect papa hubby
I am hoping that it will not effect my followers
I think it should not.......
-I appreciate you all so much
this journey has many valleys
and I feel the prayers of my friends
this blog land is a wonderful
neighborhood
hugs from Meme

MEME NEEDS PRAYERS

2009-01-30T21:39:00.001-07:00
today I
fell back to sleep after morning tea
I like to have my first cup of tea in bed
this is a winter treat
so maybe another month and then
spring will at least peek in and I can drink
my tea outside
went through my books in bedroom today
when the Miss Ashley moved it--
she took over my spare room
so we just put things here and there
when she came....
and of course, after a while
here and there does look rather cluttered
and this and that gets lost--so
parred to books down too so I will have
a lot to take to the church
and I have to admit I did not do many
other practical things today---
got a paper cut- LOL
so have a band-age with a helicopter
on my finger-
Ashley and I had a knock up supper
which really did not increase our health
but our happiness
I am not doing as well as I thought
I would be by now - it is almost
as if I am waking up from a long dream
so I have too re-group
so thinking of early to bed
and early to rise and see
if I can get my days organized
and also work
in some vitamins etc-
I am miss eating and I know that....
I have a hiatus hernia
which is annoying me but is
being looked after by a specialist
I am suppose to graze and eat small small meals
but of course- I need to develop
this new habit
so I am asking prayer
that I will remember to take good care of me
I know that God wants me too and papa
would too....sigh
I need to come out of the fog
I appreciate your love and comments and prayers
hugs from Meme

Some Days--

2009-01-28T23:40:00.002-07:00
a blank post.....or not:-) I was trying to come up with something to write and nearly did not-- then I was still and heard this deep in my heart.....
---------------------------------------------------------

For me, some days are still hard.....and just going from the morning ....(mourning)......
to the night seems like a struggle-- but only on some days- I know that
you, Lord are with me on these days as well as the good days- I saw a little
story about a widow who never over came her tragedy of her loss-
She let hardness enter her heart---she was always cynical and negative=
She did become lonely and stayed looking in-ward until her death.
She missed living......so much to see and so much to do
so much to hear and so much to be- Lord, keep my mind stayed on Thee and
let me not think of my sorrows as my score but my blessings instead- It's the little things
that are daily----that are just there-- automatic blessings -
hugs from Meme
Here is a little quote prayer- but author unknown
Dear Lord,
How I wish I had been kinder----
-and more patient on this day.
How I wish I had been gentler,
Had a little less to say,
Mindful of regret and sorrow,
Teach me be wiser tomorrow.

love does not change...

2009-01-26T21:18:00.000-07:00
I remember when David and I fell in love
and we were first married
all I could do was think about him
I cleaned for him and cooked for him
and put his sugar in his coffee that
I made for him
everything I did- I did thinking of him
because of our love
and then the babies came and my
thinking changed to reality
but our love stayed the same
but bottles and colic and diapers
and sweet babies were a new thinking
bills and a home and late suppers and us
and our love stayed
my grief was like my first
days of love
and all I could think of was
about papa David and all I
could talk about.....was him
I thought of him in the night
and the morning just continued
from the night
and I was filled with sorrow
and days of tears
and now the grief is changing
and it is frightening .........
because for so long
grief was all I had left
of him and now
I have the memories
of the way we were
and I cherish the memories
and as my grief moves slowly
into reality of living a life
of bills and dog and g'kids
and dishes and snow and spring
I can feel the joy in the sorrow
of knowing that if our love
had not been so great
my sorrow would not be so deep
I know now that God
has closed a door
but the door has a window
and that now if there
are times when I do not think
of David
I know that our love
has not changed .........
that death can not take away
what we had....or the way we were
and in
the joy of love and the sorrow of love
I still feel David's love and see his love
and hear his love
and I too love...... in return
because God gave us the love
and God is love
and death can not take away
what God has given
our love remains............
..........
hugs from Meme

and the B is for......

2009-01-25T17:06:00.002-07:00

BANANA- - we could not have a b with out a banana because when papa developed high blood pressure a few years ago and had to have a daily pill --his doctor suggested that he should have a banana to make up for lost potassium and David took the doctor's advice and had a banana every morning for breakfast- David did not have OCD except when it came to his daily banana and the last bite was always for Dogman
and that brings up the next B- Dogman's real name is Bootz - named , of course, by Papa-- Bootz was a dog we did not want-
simply because we did not want a dog but a strange(someone we did not know) lady came to our house with our daughters friend and said she was taking the dog to the shelter as he was annoying etc - sigh- and papa and I saw this little mop that no one wanted and said --we will take him and that was even after he peed on our couch- so 12 years ago we let this little dog into our home who looks like a cross between a feather duster and mop and the rest is history- now he had his house name- Bootz and his internet alias Dogman-It took a while for Bootz to trust us as he had been abused-but now he is top dog and still looks for his papa every time he goes out to his pee patch..
and no B is complete with out the boy who is a friend- when Miss Ashley brought him to our house the first time to meet Oma and Papa she said- he is not a boyfriend----although we certainly could see that there was more than meets the eye in her story- so I started calling him the boy who is a friend and that is who he is still is known as-------they are of course, now could be considered a couple according to how things are looking from my prospective-- his name is Andrew - 19 and she is 18 and together they make life interesting-----he cooks for her too which makes life even more interesting at our house-
I don't see much of me under the B-- but I do love God's word and have many Bibles to use in my favorite thing to do- Bible study.........
and I also have dear Hubby's bible where he has underlined every verse of every sermon he went to after he became a Christian- and he has many names written in his Bible for prayer- it is a precious record of his love for the Lord-
end of the B-EES ***************
looking forward to C on another day
HUGGLES FROM MEME