missing valentine

• today was hard because papa hubby always got me a valentine
• I do have some of them stored away
• I bought a valentine card for him to put with his picture
• it is so quiet here
• and not a thing happening in town other than things that I do
• not go too- or do.........
• the love -birds have gone out-although male love bird is not too
• popular because he forgot that today was valentines and his valentine
• saw red--
• I walked down and bought Miss Ashley some flowers- not real ones
• due to our weather as they would have turned black-
• but she was tickled pink to get my flowers
• they have little faces on them- happy smiles
• and are purple and blue
• Dogman and I am now home alone sneaking snacks
• sigh- but they have to be with no salt as he has a
• kidney stone problem and very few can fall to the ground
• it is not easy to sneak snacks with out his ears perking up
• it reminded of papa and I -
• some times we would eat our snacks behind closed doors
• as our hearts hated to say ''no''
• I am sure that there are times when it hurts
• God to say ''no'' but he knows that it is a better answer
• I know that He took papa hubby home because
• it was the better answer
• but I just don't feel the answer yet
• huggs from Meme and Dogman wags

Meme's Mind Day...........

I share the note below because I need to be fair with you and honest
that I am broken...........and now that I know that - I did not notice before perhaps
because I was trying not to be.....-- I am taking some
steps to recovery of my mind and heart and soul-
as a Christian- I felt it was wrong to be broken and
because of that I have been in hiding. my hurting spirit........it is not just the grief of losing papa hubby but also losing so
many of the family members who have on their own have decided to not allow me to stay in
their life due to my/our christian walk- this is not a new thing as that was how it was before the cancer, but when papa was on his cancer journey
they did all return to him - which was a blessing and I thought they would stay.........after his death=
thankfully at papa's sevice he had a salvation message at his request and the pastor did tell them that he was preaching a prayer of papa's-- John 3:16
I guess you could call this a forward to my note- hugs Meme
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I went out today for coffee with some lady friendsand then stopped at the seniors day at my church-it was nice and I did okI did become exhausted after 3 hours total in being out and did feel panic at the end of the time -this was a good thing for me - it did help me and my mindI came home and finally had to have a napI napped for a hour and now I am upmy am feeling rather sad but I am still glad I went out-it is very hard for me to go out with out either taking papa hubby or coming home to him- I need to do this more and I will try too as I am very lonely...so one small step for Meme
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it is all about '' D''...........

• it is time to talk about the letter ''d ''in my life...
• of course- my first D would be for David - the number one D in my life-
• as you know so much of my David Dee I won't repeat it in this blog note
• because I feel like you already know him :-)
• another D is Dogman - the dog who came to our house to say- he is 12 plus years now and still manage the household quite well--
• D is for my two daughters - 40 and 36 who live close by and have blessed me with 6 grand kids- the daughter names are Bonita and Tammy
• D would have to be for doughnuts which is one of my favorite meals- oops- I mean snacks---all the better if they are chocolate coated--but no sprinkles
• not sure if there are any ''dee'' fruits but if there is I do not eat them but I can still use ''d'' for dinner- when I grew up dinner was at noon and then our evening meal was supper- there are some folks who have lunch at noon and then dinner at supper time- I still have dinner at noon..
• ''d''is for dime- when I was a kid we had dime savors from the back where we would save all the dimes we managed to beg off our grandpa or daddy-when had 5 dollars we took to the back and could our own savings account
• oh and I remember the dixie cups that had ice cream in them- in the summer we could go to town with mom and dad and a dime would buy a dixie cup- we would sit on the side walk out side the little grocery store and eat - those were the days...
• I cannot think anymore ''d'' in my life except to the ''days of my life that the Lord has blessed me with''
• day by day He is the shepherd......
• hugs from Meme

WALKING TODAY with CONCERN

• I am feeling better re cold which also helps me feel better emotionally
• I spoke on msn to David's eldest daughter- age 48- for the first time since papa's service- we are not estranged but she has severe addiction problems which keeps her away- sigh- she started to cry and had to leave THE Computer but her youngest daughter talked to me- I told her/them how much papa did love them - she does not have access to the msn often but was using it at some one's house
• I thought that was important for them to have that message in their hearts so that if the addictions get too strong she/they have some thing to cling too- I would not want them to die with out that knowledge and I do fear for their lives - sigh-
• all of the step children have severe addictions and when they are on..........they do not talk to me until they decide to try and go off.........again but this is very hard for them unless they have rehab.......
• I have told them all that they cannot come here until their addictions are under control 100% because when they are not under control these kids can be dangerous and this was also papa's rule-
• they are all older- 50- 48 and 46
• they do get angry at me part of the time because I will not take them in......
• they live far enough away that they cannot just come over--.
• it is so hard to have children - no matter what age living in such circumstances and the circumstances are terrible- the grand kids are in safe homes so do not live in the conditions but I fear that they saw too much as little ones..
• I wanted to them to know that papa David prayed often for them and he loved unconditionally even if he had rules that he enforced-
• I think it is important for children to know that they are loved and were loved-- they did not see their dad often due to the circumstances but they did communicate over the phone- and sometimes we had the police go find them on the streets so we knew if they were still alive- the police cannot tell where they are but were/are kind enough to say that they saw them and therefore there alive- sigh- this was hard for papa to do ---
• my problem is at my age I have to be careful how far I let them enter my life due to the circumstances- and yet, keep the love of Jesus open in my heart and into their heart-
• it is hard to even tell the stories but I tell you now because I need prayer warriors who will stand with me -
• I will seldom update this blog note but I will tell you what miracles occur and also thank for praying
• hugs from Meme