PAPA'S DRIVEWAY

When we first moved into this house our backyard where we parked was a muddy weed mixed with grass bog. Every time it rained we had to walk through or around puddles to get to the car. The kids always had dirty socks and fun playing in the puddles. And every winter was a night mare to get out of the yard.
We did not have the money to spend on fixing a drive way as there were always other needs. About ten years ago, papa decided that he wanted to fix the drive way so that we could get in and out with more ease and also escape the mud. We had no money so papa went to our local gravel yard with his truck and started bringing gravel home. They had a special pile of crushed gravel that was free if you loaded it yourself. He loaded it by shovel and unloaded and we needed many loads as we only had a half-ton and a big space to fill. Once he got the gravel here- he then unloaded it by hand and started to make our drive-way.-
It was hard work as he not only trucked in the gravel for the driveway, unloaded it but he also packed the gravel by hand. We could not afford to rent a packer. He made a special packer from his imagination that worked well so that our drive way was compact. He made the driveway wide enough for 2 vehicles plus wide path ways and brought it right to the balcony so we had no puddles to wade through.-
Because gravel settles into the mud he had to do this 3 times that summer and then the next summer he repeated the whole process twice. He was a hard worker and did all this in his spare time. He continued to add more gravel for two more summers and pack it by hand until he had the perfect driveway for our truck and car.
All his neighbors were amazed that one man would and could do all that work by hand. Every year a few weeds sneak in trying to grow in the gravel and papa would go after them with his weed killer.This year the weeds came again- not a lot but enough to annoy me and also if they are let go our drive way will become a weed garden and I was not willing to see that happen.
Today I went out and dug out all the weeds by hand-- I do not know how to operate papa's weed pump and so I simply dug them out with a meat fork so that I could also get the roots. I filled a 5 gallon pail packed with the weeds.It was a hard job kneeling on the gravel but it felt so good- I had such peace and joy to be doing something to honor papa hubby by keeping his drive way up to speed. I felt his joy of when he made the driveway.
His joy was/is my joy.

hugs from Meme

A WONDER DAY......

• 
  I had a wonderful birthday yesterday.
  both daughters called---
  my brother called me and I received
  many many emails and I know a snail mail
  is coming soon too---
  and friends brought us over supper
  and although they could not stay
  for supper they had time for a visit-
  so it was a very good day for Meme
  I was blessed to write the ''Birthday Story''.
  even though it was bittersweet
  it was a day I wanted to share-
  as my gift to you.
  last year this time there was no time
  to write the story and the timing was not right.
  weather wise we had rain and sleet and snow and gray skies
  and then after supper a blue sky with some sunshine-and -clouds.
  it reminded me of this new journey-----
  that I am on.....we got through the weather yesterday
  and I will get through this journey -
  blue skies peeking through among the gray-
  sometimes rain and sometimes sun.
  all the things I need to grow.
  now Meme has overdone for her age-
  and I need to have an early rest tonight.
  Thank you for the wonderful greetings and
  for your gifts of prayer and encouragement
  that you have blessed me with this last year.
  hugs from Meme

A BIRTHDAY STORY

• last year this time was my big 60 birthday
• papa hubby had been looking forward to this date
• since the day I turned 59 as he liked the fact
• that we would be in the same decade--LOL
• both in our sixties- this only happened for a year
• and a bit as he was nearly 9 years older than me
• but of course - last year was our cancer journey
• and his plans had to go on hold........
• but papa was not one to be defeated by cancer
• when he made plans he made plans --
• = so he talked to the pastor
• and with ease- convinced the pastor to have
• a cake at the church for me----the pastor had
• to tell me a few days ahead of time as there
• was no guarantee that papa would have the strength
• to go to church that day---so it was decided that
• I would go----with out him and Miss Ashley would
• stay with papa-----but papa hubby was determined
• to go and so Bonnie and I took him but late so that
• he would have enough strength ---to last an hour or two-
• we took him there with great care- and parked as
• close to the front door we could so he did not have
• to walk one step more than was needed-
• he was very weak by then and taking a small step
• was hard work ........
• we got there and the deacons were waiting for him
• and me and they helped him into the sanctuary
• and because the pastor knew papa and I had
• to come late to conserve his energy
• he gave papa hubby a nice welcome as
• papa had not been able to go since April
• our church is small enough to do that
• and every one knew papa hubby and his journey-
• after the service we had cake in the main foyer
• and we put papa hubby on a chair
• everyone came to see him and shake his hand
• he was so blessed
• and it was a ''good bye'' time for him
• and his friends
• yes, it was my birthday and we ate cake too
• but the day was really a honoring of David
• we knew that there would be no more
• Sunday outings for him as he could
• barely walk- and sitting required too much
• energy
• and he got to see his two daughters in church
• as the Ashley invited them too
• and we all stood there around papa hubby
• some one bought me flowers to add
• to papa's special cake
• it was a nice time and not long
• as we/they knew papa was too weak
• we brought him home and
• he was so tired but happy
• happy to give me a surprise and
• happy to see his friends again
• happy that his plans happened-
• we both knew it was his last time
• we knew that he could not walk much longer
• his legs were like stove pipes( that is what the doctors call them
• and his tummy
• make him look pregnant as his body grew a water blister
• around his cancer thinking to protect it from
• the foreign body-(cancer does this to some patients)
• also
• he was going through
• his chemo side effects but God gave him the strength
• to go one more time -
• looking back is bittersweet - but with thanksgiving
• it is a birthday I will always remember-
• his family all together and his church friends
• shaking his hand and hugs and kisses
• and praying for him and with him
• it was a wonderful moment in time
• that will always be in my heart
• so that is my birthday story
• and now today is another birthday
• a new year for me...
• and I am learning to live with out papa David
• to celebrate the moments-
• to count my blessings and
• not the candles-
• and to share the memories
• that I hold in my heart.
• hugs from Meme

snow party

• alas it snowed here in sunny Alberta today--
• about 2 inches and stayed --
• we have had a late spring and a long winter
• I was watching the snow flakes fall
• a slow snow falling- just taking its time
• to get to the ground and then staying
• where it landed-----
• it reminded me to slow down too
• that time does pass about as fast as we run
• and that it is ok to stand at the window--
• past the middle of May and watch the snow fall
• we have a white world out in our yard with some
• green peeking through and the sunshine tomorrow
• will turn it into water for our land--
• and there were other moments for me today
• besides just the snow
• and I took them as they came
• watching Miss Ashley vegetate on the couch
• Dogman jumping with joy
• because she got up and gave him a treat
• looking at the planters that we had to bring in
• just watching the seeds grow
• finishing a good book
• eating cheezies in/on my bed
• learning about food on the food channel-LOL
• there were sad moments too
• and forgotten moments remembered
• and when I think of papa hubby
• I remember how he found joy in doing moments
• and going moments-
• and his coming home moments
• he loved to go on adventures but he
• loved to come home again
• take your moments - as they come
• enjoy the them and tuck them away
• for another day when you need to hide
• in the moment--
• because even the stormy moments
• can become sunshine moments
• if we treasure the sparkles---------
• hugs from Meme

A WILD RIDE,,

neither Miss Ashley and I can drive but we have papa hubby's car which I gave to Ashley- we have to start it now and then and so we sat in it today with Dogman and listened to the tape that papa had in the tape deck- it was the old country music and yodeling by a lady singer that papa enjoyed- we turned it up high and then Ashley backed the car up to the end of the drive way and then parked it again- LOLwe had such fun making a memory and sharing memories-Dogman enjoyed the ride too...and I am sure the neighbors are in grief now watching and listening to us--the tape has sat in there for two winters now and played as good as new-
hugs from Meme

end of the week

times seems to fly by when one is not feeling well
but I did accomplish a lot of little things this week
ran into things of papa hubby's again
and it always a hard decision to decide
what to do with his things-
do I toss it?
do I keep it?
do I sell it?
do I give it away?
and I find things of mine too
but the decision is easier
because it does not hold old memories
Papa always had a vision
to use what ever he kept
some day was a day of the week
to papa--LOL
and he did make some great things.....
he just had that kind of imagination.......
I have started my crocheting again
found the crochet cotton I forgot I had..
this is a nice red - and - I am just doing
a granny square table cloth--it will be about
33 by 33 as that fits my table
that I want to put it one...
it is a little over half done and I will have enough
to do one more- and I plan to use it(them)
in any season as Christmas is all year
in my heart...the next one I make I
will attempt a pattern but my
right side brain is not working with
the left side yet...
grief not only steals your joy many days
but it also steals your rememberer--
I discovered today that I am one day
younger than I thought--LOL
I thought my birthday was this coming Monday
but it is really this coming Tuesday-
I will write a birthday tale from last year
on my birthday-----
stay tuned because it is a good story
that I have not told yet--
Meme must go now
and I will be back-
big canadian hugs from Meme

widow thoughts

I am restless tonight and just thinking about
the way we were and wondering how to be a widow!?
I was raised to be a wife-
and although we talked about one of us
leaving first
it was always a some day conversation
about when ever that would happen
it was in the future but it was not reality
we made our wills to take care of each other
but it was a some day thought
and now some day came and went
and I am here and papa hubby is not
the hardest thing to do is to take his name off of things
some things I can leave for now - and
it is unreal to walk downtown with his
death certificate in my purse
I only carry it if I have too and I
simply cannot read it--sigh--
he made sure that I would be left ok
and that nothing would be in my way
as I follow this track on
a new journey but alone
my heart rejoices that he is with the Lord
and that the Lord knew best
but my heart just hurts
I had a fear that I might not remember him
every day- that some how I might forget how we were
and then I read another widow's journey
and realized that God will keep papa hubby's
memories in my heart
God will keep me safe in the love that we had
because love is stronger than death
hugs from Meme

jammie day

Meme had a jammie day which is another way of saying I did not
want to get all dressed up with no place to go----
every once and a while and some times more often
I just putter about doing the chores in my jammies
they are quite cosy and comfortable and respectable too
I had planned on having a do nothing day until
I made the mistake of entering the doom room
which translated is the room where Miss Ashley resides
I decided to check under the clothes and see if the rug
was still there and then I did the Oma thing
Oma-s can do these things that mothers should never do
I did her laundry- as a gift to her
she was sad today and went to work sad
due to some family issues and because it is better
for Oma- to say less sometimes I decided to give
her the gift of clean laundry---
I also freshened her blankets by tossing them into
the dryer with that vanilla smell she so loves-
the things that made her sad did work out partly
but not enough to heal her hurts
and we just have to continue to pray
for her and them - she comes from a split home
back ground and is often stuck in the middle
of problems which belong to others who should know better-
I do not do these things for her
often but I felt that it was a
cheerio that she needed at this time
--she was still quite emotionally needy tonight
but has settled now in her clean bed
and oh yes, the rug is still there--LOL-
pray for her heart to be healed as she has
been broken for so long
hugs from Meme

MEME SKIPPING

Meme IS skipping.....
alas- not exercising but skipping the Internet
my hours seem to be short this last week or two
and it is not the weather of spring yet
we have had some snow nearly every day
so our spring chores are delayed
and I am not accomplishing a lot but I
am content to do next to nothing
for a while
on Tuesday I stayed in jammies and bed with tea and crackers
and the dog and had a nice rest
napped and channel changed=
it was of good of papa hubby to leave the remote here--LOL
I am feeling like the stone of grief has moved from my heart
and although the grief is there I can see light -
I laugh more now and I am seeing pieces of Meme
coming back.....I know that papa hubby would want that
his name is no longer on the member list at church because
he moved on--
that was a big step for me to realize that he has no earthly
cares and pain and grief- and he left so much joy behind
plus a lot wood and rocks and saws and tools and magazines
and his model cars and so on and so on
and precious memories-
I was thinking of one tale
tonight which I will share soon and
we can laugh together=
How good God is............
sharing a unknown author's thoughts

''the Lord is my shepherd,
my Father and friend
He comforts me in loneliness
His kindness knows no end-
He fills my home with memories
and quiet thoughts to keep,
He fills my heart with hope
and joy and peace...
as I face the world again --
hugs from Meme