getting through December

December was a tough month for me
as it has so many anniversary dates of dear David's cancer journey
last December I was on the road to the city every day
to spend time with him and learning to walk a different path
and yet
I am so happy that our Savior was born as a babe
and went through the same temptations and joys and sorrows
that we go through here on our earthly journey
I feel good about the new year coming with
some new beginnings for me
I think I have done well this year consideriing the circumstances
I get up every morning
I work a small job part time
I walk a lot
and keep up daily life
I have done any thing foolish to cause more grief
later on in my life
I have kept the faith
I still look toward the future
I miss David
more than I ever knew was possible and
but I am so grateful for the days and years we had
together
and that David did know the Master
I know as long as the
LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
that in my sorrow I will find joy
joy is not about being happy
joy is more about being content and grateful
for what was and what is and what will be
I still cry tears for David as I miss
him here on earth
most of these memories that I share
are joyful and part of who we were
we had fun - we had sorrow we had each other
to bounce life off of
and we had Jesus
I will close with Papa David's words
which he wrote down often and especially in his Bible
Jesus is Lord
Amen
with huggles. Meme

celebrating Christmas

• MEME had sewer problems for the last week so she could not be on the net to write but all is well now so here I am
• this is a copy and paste from my group but tomorrow I will write you a
• brand new note---
• ______________________________
• one more day until Christmas and yes, I still need to do the shopping- I like to go to the dollar store
  for stocking stuff for the grand children
  did not do that today but I still have tomorrow
  found some cute little bags at another store for 40 cents each so I will use them for stockings
  it is just a fun thing for everyone
  I get little things they use during the year--I save change the last few months
  so that it does not come out of my
  normal living-expenses-
  
  Yes, I am celebrating Christmas- I think that as a Christian it is nice for me to have a day of celebration
  for Jesus who came to give me and you eternal life- we know that it is not his real birth day as far as days go
  but it is a day for us to reflect his coming as man to live here with us in order to later give His life for us-
  
  I am not more sad about papa missing Christmas here than any other day as I miss him every day
  but happy to know I have this special day to remember why Jesus came and because He came
  I will see Him and papa one day.....
  I do see a lot of sadness this year but it seems to be a money issue of guilt of folks thinking
  that they are not giving enough - because we tend to get sucked into the world=s idea
  of gifts and celebration= What we need to give is ourselves
  parents could give their kids a special time for"" you ""---- often we say we have more time than money so we could
  give some of our time to family and friends-just some ideas that would really bring families together
  again as families :-)
  
  Papa and I were into the thing of giving too many gifts at one time until we discovered Jesus and who and why and how
  we can celebrate Him-I think it would be a honor to Him if we could keep Christmas in our hearts
  every day and take and give time to our families
  and friends
  
  Have a very Happy Christmas and keep the day in your heart all year long-
  Happy Birthday, Jesus
  
  Huggles me,
  Meme aka Oma
  (MARILYN CHRISTINE)
  http://groups.yahoo.com/group/awidowswalk
  
  Lord, grant that I may seek to comfort rather than be comforted.(Mother Teresa)

Meme is not lost in space

• but I have been missing a few days blogging here
• it is just a hard month for me to be in
• as it was last December when our world came tumbling down
• memories that I do not want but will remain
• with me
• as they are a
• part of our history
• I am ok other wise
• well
• cept for our frigid weather
• we are still in the high minus below zero temps
• right now it is minus 32 with calm winds
• the calm winds are a blessing as we did
• have some very wind chilled days
• I will be back.........and will keep posting
• memories and some new memories too
• huggles me
• Meme

I am not hiding--(smile)

• 
  I am going to cheat tonight and do a bullet list-----
  I often use these to avoid commas and capitals-LOL
  we had a very cold overnight and it was minus 40 here both in C AND F
  at minus 40 both temps are equal
  it is warmer tonight but still very cold
  cars and Meme do not like to start in this weather
  Dogman is a couch potato- and I have to take him to his pee patch so that
  he will come and go outside safely
  he is a wee guy dog and would freeze quickly
  if I don't go- I set a timer for two minutes - just in case I forget him to long
  I remember when papa hubby was in the hospital- and some one asked him how he felt about
  the terminal cancer diagnosis and he said
  'better it is me- than some one who does not know where they are going''-
  he always had faith of getting better and kept his hope in the Lord
  but he was ok about going to be with Jesus - he did not want to leave me
  alone here and it took care to make sure he had friends who would be ''there'' for me
  if I would have need of help
• He kept his a good sense of humor also and would often come out with a comment to
  cause us all to giggle-
  we did not have much in worldly goods and what was his was mine and what was mine was his and we
  called it all--OURS
  I have many blessings to tell over time about our cancer journey
  we were never alone as the LORD WAS OUR SHEPHERD
  some of the memories are dark and hurt my heart
• and that is part of my reason for taking some time away
• from writing
  oops, I see it is time for bed and also time to change the tv station-
  I watch a lot of cooking shows but some are just not right to hear
  I believe it is important what we hear and see and read because
  garbage in== comes out as garbage-*
• we cannot recycle garbage in our minds
  ok- enough of Meme until another day
  huggles me, Meme who was Papa's wife and so very blessed ............

thinking out loud..again

• 
  one thing I learned with papa's cancer was that life
  would still go on....but not the same
  we took papa's cancer and normalized it
  we created a whole new way of living each day
  we had moments when we pretended that things were the same
  as they always had been before the cancer came
  but the cancer became just a normal way of life
  other people seemed more intimidated by it than we were
  we danced with out music pouring our love into each other
  and when he died the dance stopped
  now there is only me to hear the songs
  that we listened too
  and now I hear the silence
  and the laughter is missing
  and I feel the dull ache of loneliness
  but I have learned that
  it is ok -not to be ok-
  and that I will heal......
  the sun will come out again
  the rainbow will shine after the rain
  and in the quiet I will renew my connections
  of inspiration, and my enthusiasm and the
  silence will become golden=
  and I will dance again
• 
  huggles me, Meme

some unsure Meme thoughts

I am tired today- perhaps the weather or maybe an over do yesterday
it is cold and windy with bits of snow falling- the wind is what makes the day not quite so nice

I woke with the feeling that I must start to prepare saying good bye to dear hubby so that my heart can move on ------his death has taken so much of me away----and although I rejoice knowing that he is home with his Lord- my heart wants him back-

when I woke I felt on my heart that the Lord is asking me to say good bye, my poppy- until- we do meet again
it is just that I do not know quite how and so I pray that the Lord will show me more about this- it was not a dream but I suppose - it was that still small voice that we often miss hearing
perhaps I will talk more of this as the days go by here...
.I keep thinking's that if I can just get through December I can start the new year with a healing hopeful heart---last December was a black month for us both as it was the beginning of the end- sigh-
huggles me, Meme