widow thoughts

I am restless tonight and just thinking about
the way we were and wondering how to be a widow!?
I was raised to be a wife-
and although we talked about one of us
leaving first
it was always a some day conversation
about when ever that would happen
it was in the future but it was not reality
we made our wills to take care of each other
but it was a some day thought
and now some day came and went
and I am here and papa hubby is not
the hardest thing to do is to take his name off of things
some things I can leave for now - and
it is unreal to walk downtown with his
death certificate in my purse
I only carry it if I have too and I
simply cannot read it--sigh--
he made sure that I would be left ok
and that nothing would be in my way
as I follow this track on
a new journey but alone
my heart rejoices that he is with the Lord
and that the Lord knew best
but my heart just hurts
I had a fear that I might not remember him
every day- that some how I might forget how we were
and then I read another widow's journey
and realized that God will keep papa hubby's
memories in my heart
God will keep me safe in the love that we had
because love is stronger than death
hugs from Meme