The Hurdle

• I have always admired the runners who not only ran the race but were able to jump hurdles at the same time....hurdle meaning barriers and not hurtle which means to run wildly towards something - which I have done many times.........too
• ---(I had to look hurdle and hurtle up-because I was not sure which word to use)
• ------

to me this race seems like a contradiction in motion

• and I have never had or wanted the opportunity to try


• running in a hurdle race.......


• and yet, I discovered that grief has hurdles=


• unseen at the beginning
• ( grief not a race because it is not a competition--
• to complete)
  
• but the hurdles come later on-
  
• hidden away so that when you come around a corner


• you have to either jump over the hurdle or fall down
• and often the hurdle falls with you........


• so far a lot of hurdles have tripped me up and
• yet today I jumped over a grief hurdle...
• it was just one of those things you say.....and
• then afterward you ask yourself ''did I say what I think I said"?
• I was writing to my grief group and I said---there was/is more
• to my life than just papa hubby and his death.........ouch-
• that hurts to even say it like that, again...but
• yes, I did say it and I realized that it was
• the right time for me --
• because I know that
• I am a woman who is mother and sister and Oma
• but most of all I am a child of God
• and now I have to reclaim those parts of me
• without looking back.... and
• this in no way diminishes my love for papa hubby
• or even my grief in the loss of him-
• what is does is give me the freedom to allow me
• to move through the grief looking-forward
• - and no, it is not something
• to get over or a
• timed run to a finish nor even to quit
• but now I know that
• grief is not who I am..... it is only where I am at.....
• but like all hurdles that I have jumped over in life
• I find my self slightly off balance
• needing to get my barrings again
• and watching for the next hurdle and
• realizing that while I jumped over this one
• there are more to come
• that I cannot see
• I am not sure yet how I feel about
• this leap of faith.......
• because for me it is a leap of faith
• trusting God to teach me to live my
• life again for Him and
• believing that He does have good plans for me
• and that I will not run alone
• because
• the Lord is my shepherd.....
• and even though I jumped this hurdle
• I don't feel like I have landed yet
• pray for me to continue to
• look forward.......
• and keep my eyes on my Shepherd
• huggles me, Meme