- when I started to blog David's cancer journey I knew that it would be hard
- and there would be things that one really does not want to face
- (on the journey there was no time to face anything
- except life as it was )
- but things that did happen-( some good, some bad and some ugly)
- and of course, there is that feeling of ''what if??
- such and such had been done or not done--
- then what would have been the out come
- would his dying have been easier for him and me?
- or maybe he would not have died (?)
- of course. the facts are
- we do not know as we can only
- see and know what was .........
- and also, there are the ''what if........things that happened which
- were blessings-- so if they had not happened
- things again would have be different
- so I guess what I am trying to say
- there are no anwers to the ''what if-s''
- because we had to or did accept God was in control
- we then have to believe that there really are no
- what if-s except in our thoughts
- and yes, the bad what if-s suck but we could not
- accept the good ''what if-s '' with out accepting the bad
- either God was in control or He was not.....
- I have to accept that He was in control
- if I believe in Him
- and every thing that did happened was/is
- beyond my understandings but in His control
- I know that you will start to see the
- good ''what if-s as you continue
- to read David's story
- my goal is to heal and also
- to share the story even though it is
- beyond my understanding-
- I do not know if I will be come stronger
- or not....right now, I am weak but
- perhaps that is where God wants me to be
- for when we are weak
- He is strong
- the facts are that David's cancer changed me
- and his death changed me
- and I am no longer that person
- who I used to be......
- as I write out the story
- maybe I will find some answers to
- my heart's cry which is
- WHY, GOD, WHY=??
- but if I do not find the answer
- I will still know that God was in control
- and that He is in control
- and I will have to silence the ''what if-s.
huggles me. Meme who really does not know who she is right now ..
1 comment:
Your honesty is so pure and wonderful, and I love reading your heart!!!! Thank you for that. You know, you say you don't know who you are right now, but one thing is for sure, you are God's child, He is holding you close to His heart, and day after lonely day He is slowly changing you ---- to be more like Himself. You know, God's Word says that when two people marry, they become one. So in reality, you have lost half of you for a while. It will take time to see what God will do, but all that He does, He does well!
It's ok to ask why. And you may never get an answer. But someday you will tell Him, that's ok, too.
He has a special plan for YOU, a good plan, with a future and a hope. YOu will find that plan, I'm sure, and you will find that He makes all things beautiful in His own time!
Cora
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