to blog or not to blog

I came here originally to blog something
but I am simply speechless
I will give you a little news
and see how that turns out
last night Miss Sidney came to stay over
she had a wee rest on Oma's bed and fell
asleep so
Oma
slept on her pallet that I had originally
made up for her
it is comfortable but I
kept feeling like I was in the hospital
again with papa as that is how
I spent my nights with him
on a wee pallet in the corner by his bed
if I had to get up- he was right there
I got pretty good at jumping up-
this was the first time that Miss Sidney
has even come into my/our room since
papa went HOME
today I took her to church and
then home to lunch
she has gone home now
it feels strange coming home alone
the house feels so empty even though
it is still full of our stuff
even with company
our voices ring hollow as if
the house was empty
papa seems so very very gone
if I go out
I do not want to come home but
I am exhausted pretending to be happy
and I don't know how to talk to people and
I am afraid of the awsome reponsibily
of receiving sympathy
and my eyes bruise from
holding back tears
the sound of silence is deep and
I keep waiting for my heart
to feel better
huggles me, Meme